Silenced

Today was a tiring day. I got up from bed and realized it's my first day of period again. I'm not feeling well but I need to go to school because we need to discuss things for our school project.

While walking to school, these group of guys called me "bitch".. again.. I'm not sure why. I'm clearly a human, not a dog. Do these guys need some glasses? Not sure. I just continued walking even though I can hear them whistling.

While Mr. Bald was discussing, I felt pain in my tummy. Oh right, menstrual cramps. I said to myself 'I can endure this'. But no, it got really painful that I asked if I could go home. He said I'm just exaggerating things cos that is 'just a period cramp come on it's not like you're going to die!'. Well, I felt like dying. But I had to ignore it because my grades are more important than me.

In my Biology class, we discussed about the reproductive system. It was nice. I learned a lot of wonders that the female body has. Everybody was amazed, even the boys. I didn't even know there are lots of amazing things going on inside my body every month. I felt relieved knowing that I should be proud because I can carry a baby! Maybe 10 years from now I'll be able to experience that.

While I was arranging my books on the shelf, I noticed the boys laughing at me. I don't know why but they were laughing at my butt. Until I found some blood stains on it. 'Eeewww' they said. But why were they laughing? I thought they know it's normal and that the female body is amazing? I don't get it....

After I removed the stain from my skirt, I sat down and played with my Rubik's cube. I got distracted when I heard Charlie and his friends laugh at the phone. 'Yes bitch, swallow it!'. Swallow? The what? I looked at them and I realized they were watching pornography. Weird. They laugh and feel disgusted with period but would ask the girl to swallow it? Boys are complicated sometimes...

In our Home Economics class, I and my groupmates discussed the group project for finals. Our project is to cook using different recipes. John assigned me as the one who will cook the food. Well, I wanted to go to the grocery and help them buy the ingredients and the materials to decorate the table as well. But he stopped me and said 'You're going to cook because you belong to the kitchen! You cannot carry the things we buy because you're weak.'. Oh, that hurt me. I know I can help them with choosing the right tools and materials but I guess I have to accept because he is the leader, even though nobody elected him.

So I went home with a heavy heart. I went to the bathroom to change my sanitary pad. As I stared at the blood, I asked myself is there anything that I should be ashamed of? People enjoy watching bloody movies but they will hate you when they see a stain of blood on your butt. Why? Is this a sign of weakness? I don't get it. I'm still 14 and I have a lot of things to learn. I hope someday when I am bigger I will understand.

-A.