So Mike Myers is talking about doing another Austin Powers flick. Maybe if I wasn't jaded, apathetic and in a state of constant serotonin asphyxiation this would tickle my nostalgia button, or I'd care to google if Fat Bastard is still somehow breathing or why Verne Troyer killed himself (probably something to do with that Trailer Park Boys appearance, honestly.) But like most pop culture drivel I only ask myself why the fuck are ((they)) trying to ruin another great consumer commodity's legacy? Like, what the fuck.
Yeah, Austin Powers had several good films. So, you might say, "Gooch, the Austin Power film series is not applicable to Hollywood's (fat) bastardization of the creative process." And I would say, go fuck yourself on a fire hydrant. Remember Zoolander? Remember Dumb and Dumber? Very recently, the Super Troopers gang desecrated old memories, and who could forget that Joe Dirt 2 is a YAHOO ORIGNAL MOVIE. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
So much in this world is black and white, although we'd like to convince ourselves otherwise. Remember when Will Ferrell's entire career ended on the Office? They play Anchorman 2 to prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, look it up. Comedy is a very precious thing. Happiness is fleeting, and humor is a catalyst of the aforementioned, the most precious mixture of chemicals in all of brain chemistry. And these fucking blasphemers that run Hollywood, are poisoning the most precious, life-affirming, stress alleviating outlet us pitiful proletariat have comedy.
Hollywood, go out and suffer more. It will improve your sense of humor and perspective. That or just find better broken people to make rich. I don't know.
And Mike Myers: eat my dick, dude.