―Thomas B. Macaulay
Cole Turner
I can't stomach the thought that in a previous life I was a player.
Oh, I know all the cliches about reformed rakes making the best husbands, but don't believe it for a minute. No one who misspends his youth as a lecher can end up being anything less in his later years. It's impossible―you become what you do and once the habit's engrained, you're done for good.
Excuse me if this sounds pessimistic but I've seen too much macho machismo to naively believe it ever transmutes to chivalry. I'd sooner believe an alchemist could transform base metals to gold than place my faith in this kind of chicanery.
All these ideas were going through my mind as I was sitting in Kimberley Connor's office hearing her describe Cole Turner's life, fraught with conflicts with women.
Of course I found it depressing because I was convinced I now was Cole Turner reincarnated and frankly the man disgusted me.
As I got up to leave her office, Kimberley reached into a file and handed me a photo of Cole. "Thought you might be interested in this―you resemble the man―you could be related."
I tried to feign nonchalance but the resemblance was striking.
"Yeah," I smiled bleakly, "we could be relatives. Wouldn't that be funny if that were true?"
I couldn't wait to get outside and take some deep gulps of fresh air. Just seeing his face confirmed what I suspected for some time. I was the man.
And I wanted to puke.
That night sitting before the fire in my den I told Kate the truth.
I recounted what Kimberley told me about Cole's past and added what I experienced in my dreams about Cole trying to pressure Viv to reveal the location of the cave.
Kate sighed, "Okay, so this Cole Turner wasn't necessarily a bad guy―he was trying to get a scoop for his newspaper. Every reporter would do the same. You don't know for sure that Emily Lake's version of events was accurate or even true. I mean, in your dream, Viv wasn't trying to tempt Cole by teasing him about the cave―she was scared of the bootlegger, Lonnie Brooks and yes, she was jealous of Quinn but didn't try to seduce you―I mean him. Oh, it's so confusing!"
I shook my head. "I know this sounds crazy but I'm inclined to buy into this past life thing and believe I'm Cole Turner returned from the dead. But who knows for sure? It may be the case, or it may all be a delusion. I just don't know. All I know is I saw some things I know are real. I saw Gemma's features turn into Quinn Anderson's―and I was wide awake when that happened."
Kate stared at me sympathetically. "Let's figure this out. So, if Gemma Granger is Quinn Anderson reborn, then who in your life is Genevieve Williams?"
I shrugged. "I have no idea―for all I know it could be you."
"Oh God, Si―don't say that. I can't possibly go there."
She began to turn pale and tremble. I put my arms around her to console her.
"I'm sorry, Kate―I shouldn't have said that. Let's just make a hot chocolate and enjoy the fire. It's beginning to rain again outside."
She snuggled in close and clung to me in desperation.
She went silent a moment and then finally said, "I'm not being honest with you,"
I stared at her in shock. "What do you mean?"
"It's true I don't really have dreams, but I have flashbacks all the time. I've always had them."
"What kind of flashbacks?"
"Scenes from the past―I used to think they were from the Thirties or Forties, but now I realize it was the 1920's―and you're in them. You always were."
I stood up and retrieved the photo Kimberley gave me and handed it to her.
"Is this what you see?"
"Oh my God!" she sobbed, looking at the portrait. "I've pictured you this way a thousand times. How can this be?"
"It's not me, Kate―it's Cole Turner, The Telegraph reporter. At least, it's not me as I am now, in the present, but it may be me back in the past when I was called Cole."
She turned away, tears streaming down her cheeks.
I gently tilted her face back toward me. "What were you called back then?" I asked.
She lowered her head and whispered, "Vivian―everyone called me that―only you called me Viv, or Genevieve."
Something broke inside me. I leaned in and kissed her hard and long, plundering her mouth and crushing her to me.
I had forgotten how exhilarating it felt to kiss her, but strangely, my lips and arms remembered...and tears were now streaming down my cheeks.
I hadn't only forgotten her, but I'd forgotten me. I wasn't the rake I supposed―nothing could be further from the truth.
It wasn't Quinn I desired. Viv had always been the love of my life