Hey babe,

I am not writing this to make your fragile heart bleed. My actions over the weekend were in some ways, cruel and undeserving of you by any standards known to man. This letter in your hands today is not an explanation or an excuse for the words I left you with that night I walked out the diner.

Do I love you? Yes I do, truth is, I am not sure I would ever stop. You weren't at fault, for what it's worth, the past 6 months have been the best I have had in my entire lifetime. I never planned to let us go, I actually saw a future with you and our kids, and I lived in our family house a thousand times over whenever I closed my eyes in sleep at night.

You probably would want to know why I am denying myself all these dreams that have you as its center piece. I really do not have the answer you seek, but know this, I didn’t just want to let you go; I had to.

3 years ago, we were having dinner at Mike’s when suddenly that night turned into a night of near-fisted arguments. Mike had to break up with his girl because she was moving to Austria for a job that will keep her away from him 10 months in a year. I clearly remember how you flung the bowl of flakes you had in your hand at me, simply because I tried to make you see things from Mike’s angle and not your friends. Babe, we weren’t even dating then, not to talk of being intimate and you felt such rage over me, how much more now, and especially when my reasons for walking out on you are in the same neighborhood as Mike’s.

I told you about an opportunity 2 months ago where I had been asked to come and pioneer a music school in Eastern Germany and you talked about how excited you were to come with me. We never talked about it again and the trail grew cold for a few weeks, but I never stopped thinking what life would be like with you in Germany. Fact is , the more I thought the more I began to hate myself for thinking too deep, because it soon became clear that if I was to achieve my one year plan there, I would be somewhat unavailable to you. I COULDN’T LET THAT HAPPPEN.

I could ask you to marry me; heck that was the reason for the dinner date that night, but I chose not to tie you down for another year babe. Yes, that was me being selfish and inconsiderate of what you thought, still did it all the same. I write to you from the airport and my flight leaves in 2 hours, I love you… I always will. Please do well to live your life to the fullest and when I return I hope to see you happy. Happy with a family of yours, or happy to start one with me.

yours truly,

kay

images were all gotten from pixabay.com