As a Canadian, the fowl dollar of my fair trade has become increasingly dismayed that my country’s southern neighbour doth often seek...
August 18th, 2018
The U.S. of Y.
by Lannie David BrocksteinAs a Canadian, the fowl dollar of my fair trade has become increasingly dismayed that my country’s southern neighbour doth often seek to be disingenuous whenever the gluttony of their nationalism does crave to speak. I find myself repelled by their struggle to dispel and dismiss the glorious consciousness of mine illustrious and alacrious Canadian sovereignty.
I complain, because such bravado as theirs has found it fanciful to exclusively call themselves “Americans,” despite the fact that in th’English language an “American” is any person whom is “a citizen or inhabitant of th'Americas,” from Greenland to Chile.
It is their own venerable Merriam-Webster’s dictionary which defines a “Yankee” as “a native or inhabitant of the United States.” So from now on, I shall not refer to their masses any longer in matters of their nationality, as “Americans,” for to do so would be to authenticate a misnomer, and be misleading. Rather, I shall knowingly refer to these awesome yet silly neighbours of mine as “Yankees”.
It is with British civility and French straightforwardness that I refute their illiterate intention which always tries to fool the minds of themselves and others into believing that they are th’only Americans on this growing Earth (that is also a hyperspherical planet), and thus that their jingoistic ideals doth always representeth th’ideals of all citizens of the Americas, including Canadians!
My tea and scones along with my croissants and crêpes hath awaken’d to the wisdom of the half-British philosopher, Ludwig Wittgenstein, who wrote in German that “Die Grenzen meiner Sprache bedeuten die Grenzen meiner Welt”, which more or less means “the extent of a person’s vocabulary is the extent of their intellectual activity”. As I no longer wish to pander to such a foolish perception of reality, I have taken it upon myself to extend the limits of my language.
Well then, what shall I call the country that Yankees are from? To simply call their country the United States would be no different from calling France the United Régions—that is not an appropriate nomenclature: it is an etymological root which has yet to grow into a name. The good people of France hath always arrogantly strutted around as though they are th’only Europeans, but not even they call all Europeans French, and nobody else does, either.
Since the Yankees, after more than 200 years, have not yet named their country adequately, I shall consider them unable to do so, and therefore as a responsible neighbour, I have taken it upon myself to respectfully name their country adequately for them. Thus, I christen their country “Yanks”.
I doth proclaimeth that it is a Yankee whom hails from the land of the Yanks.
As France is the land of the Franks, I hereby name the land of the Yankees, Yanks!
Its French pronunciation: Yance.
Yançois, the Yenchman, is from Yance.
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My thanks in advance to those of ye who doth upvote, <br>
resteem, share, and promote this thread, and who post your replies!<br><br>
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<i>I nominate @fromage and @quillfire as contestants<br> in The Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest.<br>
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