He staggers upon the cosmic press and from the tears of man a vintage brewed. Fermented with the curiosities of pain and joy.... Flavor Of The Gods, Tome I Book IV
So, yes I’m drunk... but so what. So are all of you. Yeah, you’re dunk...I mean drunk off of life and all that stuff in between.
Let me see, can I remember? I have something to say or confess--something. Yes, OK. So my third grade teacher Mrs Benson was mean to me. She always picked me and asked herd questions. Yes herd.. because that's what we are. Pack mentality. We're groupies and gropers. Animals in an orgy forest. Yeah, it’s true. Google it.
Yes google is my best friend. She always knows so much stuff about life. I learned a lot about caterpillars and how they turn into butter flies. But that bitch is a liar because I went looking for Pussy Cats and that didn't end well for my hand with blisters on it.
Oh, crap I'm sorry I lost myself. I think I can find me again...so, I sez Mrs. Benson, why you always pic me for stuff I don know. She sez “Because you’re smart guy” and I say "Well ok. But I know Mrs. Benson, I know your trickx. You always had it out for me".
FUCK YOU, Mrs. Benson! You were a mean lady teacher. But I miss her and she was always good to me. Don’t no one better say anything about Mrs. Benson because fuck you, that’s why.
Sobering up really fast here. Perks of a manly man man body. What the hell is a manly man man body? I may tell you more about that later, if there's any time. Uhm, any way that's right. I usually reset the world when time touches on the ether and that connects everything together. By everything I mean the universe in all its mutli-dimensionalness.
After this a grand reset happens. And it looks like something you do on Netflix, when you want to skip or rewind a scene. Well at least it used to before the Chronos sprites messed it up. These little bastards are in charge of keeping time on point. You know always moving forward; however, some one forgot to tell them that I'm not hacking the system. See every December 31st I push a little red button. Nothing fancy, no LED. Reminds me of an old Nintendo button controller. The original Nintendo. Found one at a garage sale. Don't ask to many questions.
By rights I could press it for an eternity. I won that right. Did you know that good Ol' Father Time has a daughter? Yep, her name is death. Not many people know that Death is a her. This current incarnation anyway. So I'll spare you the details on that one.
Here's the thing about winning...the thing no one ever tells you. Winning is based off of the idea of even exchange.
My Physicist Professor, Professor Pompi used to say, "Mr. Wilson there is no such thing in all of the universe as even exchange. Nor could there be. We exist in an infinite series of balances. There are debts within debts and balances within those debts and etc..." Much like our Trillion dollar U.S debt, which ended our pristine AAA rating, the universe is also in debt. Go figure right? That tosses the whole yin-yang thing out the cosmic window.
So even though Father Time has granted my request over and over again, it's never permanent. And while I'm on the subject of Father Time... let's just say he's no Father. He reminds me of Loki. But of course Loki reminds me of Batman's nemesis The Joker. So there's that.
In that spirit there is no new year. Every December 31st morning my super bro Chuck and I wander the same small hills at Emerald Forest; looking, for the same naked nymph he hopes will have sex with him. And I have to tell him over and over again that they're invisible to horny 30 year old men. Every one thinks they can do it because my grandfather caught one, married her and she became grandma. Town legends and all. Speaking of which we're not like most places on the map. Humans actually love us here. Probably has something to do with making Colorado a great place to live.
Yeah, it turns out Nymphs pretty much become human when they bone humans. Unfortunately they mate for life, so one night stands are out of the question. Which is why every lonely person in town seeks them out one day out of the year. Which is why for the last thousand years I've pressed that button.
Let me be clear here...my bro Chuck didn't find her, I did. Didn't tell him and frankly I couldn't tell him. He couldn't see her and Nymphs currently are outlawed from marrying humans. Nymphs outlive humans and have to give up much for them. So the Grand Elder Nordica forbade any interaction with humans.
Violettica was the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
We connected in a way that I've never felt for any human girl. It was love at first sight. Literally there was like a Vulcan mind meld thing going on. Ok and to be fair here...that's because I'm part Nymph. I LOVE big ears.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "you just said that Nymph's become human when they get boned, right?" Well, not entirely...I said "Pretty much". Meaning we separate from our tribes and we lose our ability to cloak and our connection with nature is some what severed. So in that way we become human. Good thing mother nature isn't so cruel as to remove all our gifts. We can still talk to the gods face to face. Also spirts, ghosts etc... Which we tend to call Demi's, cause they're extra dimensional beings etc..
Fortunately, my sister Brenda doesn't have this problem of course. She's on her second marriage to Mr. Lawyer dick. That was his nick name before she married him. Yeah that was the one I gave him. Now she swears to the Bearded Moon god that she loves him. She can't see the Bearded Moon god or speak to him but grandma mediates for her so...Hell, maybe she does love Mr. Lawyer dick. I mean she's carrying his bun in her oven. I don't know. Don't like my sister but we're family, so.
All I know is I'm lonely, horny and I've had enough Meade to kill a drunken star sailor. Those guys really do mine stars by the way and they’re not human. This stuff should’ve kicked in by now. Bastard earth god lied to me. I should’ve died by now. Yep supposed to get drunk first and then die. It's poison when you drink the tears of a god.
You wanna know why the god cried??? I'm gonna tell you anyway. I killed the Elder. Yep went up to that cunts face and ran my fist through it. They never seen it coming. The entire tribe was in awe. After that I burned their damn citadel to ash with the breath of a phoenix. Was easier than I thought. Yeah, it helps to have an army and the place was made of wood. So.
Oh well. If this mead doesn’t work I guess I could give it another go.
Fuck, I forgot to tell you why I reset the world. Well it’s because of Violet and …I can’t breathe and my skin is all itchy. I gotta take this coat off. Dizzy, really dizzy I am. Ground so cold. Ah, yes the Meade....
