This is the introduction to a story I'm in the process of creating, entitled "Live Confession..."
...section 1...
Writer's block... I can't shake it off this time around... Nothing seems perfect anymore; not like it used to anyways. Maybe it's because I'm in pain...
It's okay though, pain is good sometimes...
And the pain I write about is called heartache, so it's not technically physical... Regardless, I still feel it... and it's quite the heavy burden to carry around...
I'm a unique individual and I think I need to take some time to explain some things about myself... even if the explanation of that uniqueness equates to self-delusion...
I have something to confess that I feel a little embarrassed about. I'm not embarrassed by the thing I want to confess itself, but moreso, I am embarrassed by the concept and how it will be received... I know that this shouldn't matter but it still warrants consideration...
Before I confess, I should begin with a little bit of background...
I was frequently told I was "smart" by a lot of those who surrounded me while growing up. I never really understood what that meant since I never fully understood anything really. I knew that this was the way of things from a very early age, though; the fact that the more things in life you learn, the more it becomes apparent that you will never truly understand anything... Still, they called me smart and I guess I just went with it...
I always felt lucky for having excellent instructors through the years. I aced tests and exams, scoring in the top 5 percentile consistently. I know that this was due in part to the ability of the teachers, but there was something else as well...
It felt as if every lesson plan was tailored to my specific needs and every instructor was prepped ahead of time on what kinds of extra instruction I would be requiring. I excelled, ingesting everything that was put forth before me; despite being a bit on the lazy side as far as actual work was concerned... I did just enough to satisfy institutional requirements while still managing to impress, and allowed the praise to get to my head and inflate my ego; building a juvenile sense of entitlement along the way.
In retrospect, I laugh at the foolishness of both of those hypotheses... I also still believe the inflation of the ego to be an integral part of the public education/indoctrination system, but I begin to digress...
In regards to social and emotional intelligence, I always felt I had a good grasp on the pulse of the energy that surrounded me. I could fit in with just about any crowd, and always seemed to be able to tell when to let loose and when to hold back; an extra "sense" of sorts. I never understood why I had the friends I did; I never thought of myself as cool or fun. Still, I thoroughly enjoyed the company throughout, and wish only to thank everyone for their kindnesses.
I've met all sorts of beings from different walks of life in my 33 revolutions around our sun. At the beginning of my 28th, I met someone pivotal to my awakening; someone that I knew as Shogun. He grew to become a great friend; although I wouldn't ever classify our acquaintanceship as harmonious or anything, he was usually quite annoyed by me most of the time. Still, it didn't stop the inevitable colliding of our paths. He was one of the first beings I ever met that was "gifted" with "abilities".
Unfortunately, he was also a raging alcoholic and a hopeless drug addict. And I can only say these things because I too was the same, right alongside him. And the reason I bring up the drugs and alcohol, though, is because I first learned of something one day sitting outside of a bar with Shogun...
I was shitfaced drunk, sitting outside on a bench, smoking a cigarette. Then, about halfway through my cigarette, Shogun came outside as well, also three sheets to the wind. I offered him a cigarette, then went back to my quiet contemplation...
I do that a lot by the way, sitting around silently considering the many mysteries of the universe, mostly questioning things since I don't really know shit about anything...
Anyways, as I was quietly thinking, I began hearing responses to some of the questions I was contemplating in my mind. They were mostly mumbled and barely uttered words, but they were unmistakably responses to the specific questions I was thinking about... At first I was skeptical, thinking it was only a well timed coincidence; but as the half silent, half spoken conversation continued, my thoughts began to race wildly...
I was flabbergasted! This kid was a mind reader!! I was instantly captivated by my curiosity and I decided to learn everything I could about this mysterious condition...
Ultimately, it turned out that he actually wasn't a mind reader; gifted still, just not in that way. This led me to further pursue other ideas that would eventually almost overwhelm me and become the confession I must make here in this post...
...to be continued...
Credit to giphy.com for awesome GIFs...
Peace