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So, was the story yesterday Truth or Fiction?
This one is complicated because I had to go on partially remembered conversations from a few years ago and I couldn’t interrupt Trev at work to confirm anything.
He’s home now, so I can bug him for details.
Just to get this out of the way:
*Disclaimer
If you think you may know the people involved in this little escapade, trust me, you don’t… ok? For legal reasons, I’ve made it all up. It's pure coincidence if they resemble any persons - living or dead. None of it ever happened… these are not the droids you’re looking for…
So… one colleague had two phones and his wife found out. She planned everything and left him. She emptied their family home - took the lot! He got home and it must have looked like they'd sold up and moved on - furniture, soft furnishings (including curtains) lightbulbs, the lot – whole kit ‘n caboodle, the whole enchilada. She took the kids and she divorced him. It cost him a fortune, half his pension and a lot of heartache – the most expensive mobile (cellphone) expense EVER!
One otherguy was drunk, out with his friend who was sober and driving him home. His wife phoned to ask when he was likely to be coming home. He left the phone on, not realising, was chatting to his friend and he called her a ‘fat, lazy cow’ and she heard him.
When they got to his house, his front garden was strewn with his whole wardrobe and he had to go and stay with the friend for a few days. No divorce, but he learned a valuable lesson.
So the story yesterday was kinda true, but a bit mingled, so whether you guessed Truth or you guessed Fiction I'm giving you that as a win!
Another one of the Tales from Pit Lane
One weekend, Trev and I went out with my sister and a few of her friends. We booked a minibus (12-seater) and it wasn’t quite full. Trev invited a friend and his girlfriend to come with us to make up the numbers.
We went out and had a great night!
Meeting with the minibus, we clambered aboard and waited for stragglers (we’d gone separate ways during the evening, but knew where and when to catch the lift home).
Trev and I got into the minibus and heard, “Fuck! It’s Trev! What are you doing here, mate?” from the back seat. A work colleague was sitting with his arm around one of my sister’s friends.
My sister’s friend had ‘hooked-up’ with him and invited him back to her place.
“This is our ride home,” Trev told him.
Then Trev’s friend and his girlfriend got into the minibus. The guy from the back-seat’s mind was boggled.
“Fuck! There’s Badass now! How many more are there?”
“No more,” Trev said. “That’s your lot!” and we set off for home.
On Sunday afternoon, my sister rang me.
“What’s Rusty’s number?” she asked. “Collette wants to see him again, but he’d gone before she got up.”
“I don’t know, I’ll ask Trev to get it from him at work, tomorrow,” says I.
“Can you get Rusty’s number for Collette tomorrow, please?” I asked Trev.
“Who?” he asked.
“You know, Rusty, that guy with Collette, your mate from work,” I said.
“His name isn’t ‘Rusty’,” Trev said. “That’s Tut!”
Here’s where things get complicated.
‘Rusty’ got up on Sunday and panicked. He got dressed in a hurry and left the house. He did not know where he was and he wandered about for a while before he found a landmark.
He phoned a friend to come and pick him up, but he still didn’t know where he was. He found a large road (the M1) and told his friend what he could see.
Finally, the friend found him, fetched him home and that was the end of the story…
Except it wasn’t.
Trev went to work the next day with the request to get his number for Collette, knowing ‘Rusty’ (Tut) was engaged and not at all available.
“What’s the crack, Tut? Why does she think your name’s Rusty?” Trev asked.
That’s when Tut told him about his Sunday morning ramble in the countryside.
“So I don’t give her your number?” Trev said.
“No mate,” Tut said. “Oh, and mum’s the word? OK? Not a word to anyone else.”
“Yeah, sure,” Trev said. “I’ll not tell anyone. Mum’s the word.”
So Tut went off down the yard to start his shift, believing that Trev wouldn’t say anything.
Technically Trev didn’t lie to him. After he’d given his promise to not say anything to anyone, he really didn’t tell another soul. But by that time, it was too late he'd already told everyone.
Word had got around, and word of Tut’s adventures had spread like wildfire, because Tut had a habit of waiting til the last minute to get to work and Trev got there at least an hour before him and had had chance to… update everyone.
Trev followed Tut down the yard just to see what would happen.
Tut rounded a corner and his whole crew stood waiting for him. Around 80 people – and Trev had primed the lot. When he arrived, they all had one job…
“Morning Rusty!” they shouted.
Tut looked at the crowd of grinning workmates – including his dad (also Tut) and his brother (Younger Tut) – and he turned to see Trev standing behind him, watching.
Trev held up one hand and said, “I promise not to tell anyone else!”
The nickname ‘Rusty’ stuck and to this day, is still a bane of contention… He would still answer to that name.