Hi. I was browsing through some old posts of mine dated more than 5 years ago and I came across some sort of editorial which I didn't self-publish in my personal blog when I was 19 years old.
Yes. 19 years old. Ridiculous. I decided to post it here since this has long been past its due. It's hilarious because I sound so innocent, idealistic and hopeful, and still, I was able to relay parts of my thoughts into words. Hope you'd consider reading this with consideration of my perspective 7 years ago. Thank you!
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When will the resting ancestor toe the line on top of the killer?
Conflicts.
It is definitely unwanted to be stuck in the middle of a brewing conversation, especially when both parties exchange bitter words or when no consensus is reached after a fiery discussion. At one point in time, we situate ourselves in the position of knowing what the cause of the trouble is. Soon when the argument starts to cool down, another misunderstanding happens, and the situation bursts up with more complications. Thus, we tire ourselves of things that we did not even intend to happen. There is this tendency for us to expose ourselves into these circumstances hoping that we can work things out, when we have not even solved ours yet. However, there would come a time that our intention to lessen the tension aggravates the condition. Most of us love to accept responsibilities, which make our life more miserable. The last thing we do is to blame others for our own mistakes.
Looking at a different perspective, we find out that we are not just trapped inside sudden confrontations; here, we are the ones who actually initiate the trouble. We start lighting up the fire. We simply do it for a reason – may it be to annoy, to embarrass, or to make fun of someone. Some of us experience joy when we see someone get hurt. The ones we hurt gather up strength until such time that they are already able to voice out their principles. They could not just take it anymore.
Our failure to detect and admit our own mistakes, and our incapability to control our temper are two of existent human attributes, which need an overhaul. Pride has always played a key role in conflicts, wherein we face two options; one is to escape trouble by humble concession and the other is to engage into a conflict through persistent opposition to others’ ideas.
In the international scene, nations compete for potential resources and as a result, territorial disputes start to surface. President Arroyo’s recent signing of the Baselines Act, that defines the Philippines’ maritime borders and exclusive economic zone including its claims to portions of island groups in the South China Sea, has triggered protests and negative impressions from mainland China (Philippine Daily Inquirer, 2009).
Adam Smith, one of the world’s most influential economic philosophers, believed that man is at root individualistic in character. Man thinks first of his own self, thereby putting man to his defense when restricted of what he wants to achieve. In this case, the confrontations that arise among nations could be an effect of egoism and selfishness, therefore applying to government actions as well (Ebenstein, 2000). For example, North Korea’s persistent nuclear ambition in order to please the international community has led the country to its global isolation. The Korean War of 1950-53 ended with a truce, and not a peace treaty, which resulted to escalating tensions between the two Koreas (BBC News, 2009).
Moving on to a local setting, we can see daily conflicts everywhere. Usually when my younger brother and I would disagree on something, I would always ensure my victory by showing him that not all things can please everyone. This act of resolving the misunderstanding does not actually end up peacefully. What results is a violent clash. Usually when he fuels up my temper by disturbing me amidst my humble work, I cannot stop myself but get mad. Words strike and slash, and then physical violence comes in. I would attack him with my powerful punch, even if my conscience tells me not to do so. We end up marked with scratches and bruises. It is difficult to arrive at a compromise when both parties seem to be hardheaded and close-minded. There is a small chance that the problem would have a feasible solution, but still we try to settle things all over again and grow up tired of listening on each other’s reasoning. The effect is alarming in a sense that we become unaware of what we are doing. Insecurity stays for days, and that inescapable feeling that others have oppressed us becomes disturbing. Yet, as we age, we begin to realize that we can actually forget bad memories and never retaliate back. It only shows that getting old makes someone neglect of bad experiences.
It is actually unattainable to please everybody because we cannot predict what is on other people’s minds. Moreover, we cannot imitate the person that fits their ideals. When we try to please everybody, not all attempts become successful. These failed attempts come with off-putting impressions towards us. The more negative their outlook towards us is, the more that we become prone to their disapproval. We cannot please everybody, and trying to please them could put us to sudden conflicts. Here are a few guidelines in order not to try to please everybody.
First, we should accept the realization that we cannot please everybody. No matter how hard we try to achieve their appreciation, there would always be some people in opposition to our viewpoints.
Second, we should be able to know our strength in order to determine whether our audience would tolerate or ride on with our pranks or jokes. In this manner, we are able to choose the particular people who can love our modest character. Thus, it is a prerequisite to know who we really are. We should never make fool of ourselves. Sugarcoating our own lies makes us more vulnerable to hatred. Be real.
By knowing our true selves, we are able to locate ourselves even if there is a possibility that we could not have everybody’s approval. Therefore, we must not be afraid to show who we really are.
Next, we should be open-minded to find truths in opinions. It is not right to reject others’ suggestions we do not agree with. An opinion may sound wrong to us, but not to others. We should ask for the basis of their suggestions. We do not know; theirs may be more reasonable than ours may. However, if our standpoint is more acceptable, we should learn to be firm about it. Accepting their views in order to please them might compromise our principles. We may tell them courteously that we appreciate their views. However, ours is different.
Lastly, we should let go of our hard feelings when we feel rejected. If we let the bitterness stay in our hearts, nothing good will happen. “The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control their emotions by the application of reason”, journalist Mary Mannes once said.
By remembering all the guidelines stated above, we are able to achieve our goal of trying not to please everybody. Just by so doing, we are able to resist conflicts that influence our daily living. The impacts of reducing conflicts within ourselves and with other people will have a bearing in the larger scale of relations.
In all areas of the world, humans continuously experience different sorts of violence – riots, social unrest, human rights abuse, power seizure, government takeovers, political killings, forced abortion. These all started with small conflicts. The incessant clash of society with itself signifies the need for change; and the undying search for change is already tiring.
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