Wednesday 12th April - The Diary of A Modern Man.
So Amber has finally replied. I text her two days ago telling her how much I keep thinking about her. Her reply?
'Yeah I kinda feel the same. Things with Tom have just ended though, I'm not sure I'm ready to dive back into something serious. But you're not alone here x'
Is that positive? I really can't tell. On one hand I'm relieved that she, at least to some extent, mirrors my feelings. However, there isn't a full admittance of feelings there. She could like me, or she could just be being nice. I definitely feel like I've been here before.
Given how things have turned out in the past I will take anything that sounds remotely positive. Although I feel almost let down. The nights we spent together were magical; or, at least I thought so. Is it that she didn't feel the same way, or are things with Tom genuinely complicating matters? I'm unlikely to see her for another month or so, which is going to make things difficult. We carried on talking and I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to wait for her. If the opportunity arises I'll see other girls in the meantime. Sure, I won't go actively looking in the same way I would if Amber wasn't around, but I'm not going to turn down any opportunities because of her.
I just wish that I felt like I came to this conclusion independently. There's a nagging sensation in the back of my mind that she wants this more than I do. Although, I'm crazy about her and still want to have fun with other girls while I'm not seeing her. Maybe she feels the same way?
Either way, I feel like I'm entering pretty dangerous territory.
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