Saturday 22nd April - The Diary of A Modern Man.
Ah shit. So after a long shift together of flirting, I asked Emma out. She said no. Her reason was that she had heard bad things about me.
To be perfectly honest, it's most likely all true. I should have known that was going to come round and bite me in the ass. I don't really blame her, I've done some pretty low things in the past. Nothing too heinous, but I've had phases of consistently screwing girls around. Thinking about it, I'm not sure I would have respect for a girl who knew what I used to be like and didn't have reservations about pursuing things with me.
The problem is, as much as I hate that I was a dick, I don't think I'm quite finished with acting that way. I'm in a difficult place where I know I can't make a long lasting relationship work with the girls in my hometown. I'm away at university for 70% of the year, and I don't see myself moving back here once it's over. So yes, to me that means I can't commit, but does that mean I should just not go any dates when I'm back here?
I've tried being upfront about my situation and resulting reluctance to commit but it obviously doesn't go down well. It isn't even the sex that I would miss, but to not act like a dick I think I would have to give up the flirting, the glances, the dates, the kisses. I don't think I'm capable of doing that. Other than seeing my family, it's the only part of coming home that I enjoy.
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