Chapter 1
Nobody is Every
There are words which speak to the silence in us all. Language itself is limited and often, with the creativity of our minds, we can find ways to construct and express the abstract into a finite form. But this only touches what is there. Communication is integral as a part of being alive. Many creatures have their own languages, their own expressions and ways to commune with those around them and confer necessity and prospect. In our own way, humanity is the ultimate at this intricate expression of life. As our needs and technologies have grown and changed, our language has too; in ways beyond imagine but close to home. When we zoom out and look at this phenomenon from a vantage point we see that our humanness is observable and interesting as a truly unique piece of nature; powerful and everchanging. Language is truly a remarkable part of this. Silence, understanding, and a communion with our nature find their way into our words and expressions creatively in the beauty that we are. Our beauty, in this way, is not limited by language – as language is but a tool we shape to our needs and inspirations and realizations. Silence is something hard to describe. We know what this word means intellectually – but do we know it intrinsically? Do we know the experience of silence in ourselves? Many call it meditation – a place without words. Many find the wind that brushes it way through the leaves on a tree to be silent. There are experiences, there is truth in nature, which brings us to a silent space. This is our nature. Our nature is silent, at rest, relaxed, and alert to that which surrounds us. But often speaking, as the tool it is, becomes a weapon and a defense against the imagined.
To experience silence we find that our own vanishing as a thing, as a person, as a social security number or address, is no more. We are truly nothing in this space and simply alert, simply pure awareness. Awareness is. Language is learned. Technique is practiced. Many complications that pass the simplicity of “is” and become an action. This non-doing is our nature – unclothed and unmasked – where we simply are. But often, identifications and our grasping of the ego stand in the way of this being. We may cling to the fortress of self as it pains us to see what we believe ourselves to be exposed in the light of the universe and the infinity that is. To feel small, to feel absurd, to feel badly about oneself is a root of error committed against infinity. In truth, there is no me. In truth, there is no you. There is simply awareness. Even awareness is often turned into an object of this self – desired upon and sought. But to seek awareness is unnecessary. Awareness is your nature – awareness is. It is not something to be searched for. Truly, even the words that pour here fall short of what they represent as intangible. Awareness is not something, nor is it nothing. It is. Awareness is your nature – removed of the mask that seeks it – that seeks many fulfillments and ideas and concepts. When we think ourselves into something in this way we miss the sweet nothing that is. So – the true use of words – to bring silence and understanding. When something is spoken, asserted, written, it inevitably and intrinsically falls short immediately of what it tries to profess. Because language is limited, there is no guarantee. So we risk – so we try to communicate. But in truth, there is no person to communicate to begin with! There is nothing to convince! Awareness is. Awareness is. Be aware of this self that longs for something. This self may even long for awareness or the right word. But again, the self is untrue – so how can it use words. The unlimited may use the limited. The untrue may use the true. But never can the untrue use the true, nor the limited use the unlimited. Really, there is no untruth in your nature. But that which is untrue has laid on top of it and may not want to get up because it is fed. We feed the idea of “me” of “you” with the beliefs we have about ourselves and the conditioning that we struggle with. Whatsoever you “do” – do totally. The struggle, the technique, is not necessary. Your nature is already relaxed. But often the struggle, if done totally because no struggle is not possible, can reveal itself as untrue when fully and almost maddeningly experienced. Do so totally and you will see. But do not aim for anything, else your struggle will not be total. Aiming for total struggle is not total struggle. Confusion is possible and meaningful – do not convince yourself otherwise because it is powerful. The mind is an ocean, everchanging, and cannot be stopped. Do not try to stop it. Do not try to make sense of the nonsense. The nonsense is there for a reason. Life is nonsense! And it is beautiful! If life were complete fact and all was known – what would it be! It would be boring and mysteryless. Perhaps this is the hell you have created for yourself. Not recognizing your infinity and convinced that this is who I am – this is my limitation – this is my this and this is my that. Nonsense!