It has happened to all of us at various times in our lives that some of the people who are part of our social environment are in low spirits for different reasons. family problems, with friends, with the couple, doubts, or unresolved situations, concerns about important events such as an exam ... the list could be extended almost infinitely. In general, life goes through a multitude of difficulties and obstacles like these, but usually do not involve major problems and can be solved practically without help. However, although the reason dictates that a problem does not deserve concern, it often lowers our mood ...
Many times we want to try to help someone who is not quite right, either with advice, a word of encouragement ... But, often we do not know how or when the time is right for it.
Below I will leave a series of basic tips which would be good to apply when we want to encourage an important person for us, or even not so important. Of course, each case is particular, and that is why these indications are very basic assumptions that can be adapted to all types of cases.
1 --- Is it a man or a woman? ---
The way of dealing with the situation is not the same. Women value more that they listen to their concerns and that they feel cared for, while men value more that someone gives them alternatives and practical solutions. Of course, this may vary depending on the person, but it is a fairly widespread trend, in fact, women rarely do what people advise them to do, especially if it is emotional problems.
2 --- Do not minimize the problem ---
It's not about being a catastrophist, but it does not seem good to iron out the problem or worry that is causing a bad mood. You can try to convince him with arguments that the matter is not so serious if it is really exaggerating, but phrases like: 'But if that is nonsense' or 'And why are you dumb like that?' Or, of that tomorrow you do not remember ', they do not help anything. Sometimes, the important thing is not how big or small the topic is, but how a person perceives it, feels it and lives it.
3 --- Active listening ---
It is important to convey the feeling that you are listening. Look into the eyes, maintain a firm and not relaxed posture, avoid looking at the time, nod, take an interest in the details ... but it is not just mere gestures, you have to really be interested in being able to transmit it and make an effort so that the other person notices it. The validations come in handy, like paraphrasing, which consists in repeating what the last person said in confirmation, for example '... so then he told you he did not want to hear anything from you', or confirm by means of sentences, example 'I understand what you tell me', 'You have to be having a bad time', etc. Validation also means admitting that it is difficult to put yourself in the other person's place.
4 --- Do not give orders ---
With the best of intentions, we love to tell a person what he has to do when he has difficulties. Maybe because we know or think we know what we are talking about, maybe because we want to help and we feel useful, maybe because we think that the other person will feel less lost ... However, phrases like 'What you have to do is go and tell this' or 'I would do this and the other' cause confusion and a sense of loss of control of the situation. If you really want to provide a practical solution, it is better to give advice and proposals. For example, 'And what do you think if you go and tell him this, do you think it would be a good idea?' Or 'I had a similar problem and I did this and that, what do you think?' Or 'Why why do not we try this? 'or' Have you already thought about possible options? ' In this way, our friend, family member or partner will actively participate in how to correct their problem, reduce their confusion and strengthen their self-esteem.
5 --- Patience ---
It is probably one of the best tips. You have to be patient when you try to encourage someone. It is true that there are many people who seem to always go wrong and constantly seek support, or who make the same mistakes again and again, as not being able to break a relationship that is causing the same difficulties periodically. You have to keep in mind that people do not see things in the same way and that everything happens for some reason, so you have to arm yourself with patience and, if you really care who we have in front, know how to be there. I recommend avoiding desperate sighs, saying things like 'But, again, did not I tell you not to do that?' Or 'Let's see, what the hell is wrong with you now ...' and, in short, not seem impatient or tired.
These are some tips or 'tips' that occur to me when I want to lift the mood of someone, applicable to many situations. They are only indications, but that, well contemplated, surely help them when carrying out such an enterprise, although I repeat that sometimes the experience also serves, since the affective relationships do not stop being something very complex. I hope it serves you
