Disclaimer: This story was inspired by Sam Smith's album In the Lonely Hour. The title of each chapter comes from the song it was inspired by. It was originally written as fanfiction, but I switched up the names and such of the characters. I don't own any rights to Sam Smith or his album. The story contains adultery and LGBT themes. Some chapters will contain NSFW material. I'll mark the chapters appropriately. Let me know what you think!
Chapter One - Not the Only One
Chapter Two - Make it to Me
Chapter Three - Latch
Chapter Four - La La La
Chapter Five - Nirvana (NSFW)
Chapter Six - Stay with Me (NSFW)
Chapter Seven - I've Told You Now
Good Thing
Hours ago, she had been in an awkward silence with Julia. Now she sat at her dining room table, in an awkward silence with Alex. Neither had managed to speak a word in the last 15 minutes. They were to meet there to talk things through. She had been sitting at the table when he came in. He sat opposite of her, ran his hands through his hair and sighed, and then they sat in silence.
“How far a long are you?” He finally spoke up, asking the question that had been on his mind all morning. He knew it had been a bit since they slept together. He couldn’t help the pang of guilt and anger at the thought that it could be someone else’s child.
“About two and half months...” She waited.
“Did you just find out or are you just now telling me?” And there it was. She could her the irate tinge in his voice.
“I tried to tell you when I first found out...” She responded. “But having a night with the boys...was more important to you” She didn’t bother to try to mask her emotions.
“I didn’t know. Of course, I would have stayed if I had known what it was about.” he tried to defend himself.
“I see. So, it is just me, that doesn’t matter?” She asked offensively.
“What!?” he exclaimed.
“If you had known I was pregnant you would have stayed to talk. It was not worth your time if your wife just wanted to be with you?!” She explained.
“I told you I had plans!” Alex snapped back.
“And you should have canceled them! I am your wife! You are supposed to be there when I need you! Does that even matter to you? Do I even matter?!” Daena was breathing heavily.
“Of course, you matter, Daena. I should have stayed here with you and I’m sorry.” Alexander apologized. Daena could her the sincerity in his tone, but truly he didn’t think it would be that easy. Did he?
“How long?” She asked.
“How long what?” He inquired.
“How long have you been sleeping with her?” she rephrased and the continued when Alex opened his mouth to speak. “Do not lie to me... If you care about me at all, then have the decency to stop pretending that I am naive enough to believe you were really out with your guys all those nights.” she finished.
“Year and a half.” he spoke deflated. Daena felt the sharp pain in her chest when she heard this.
“Why?” She barely got the word out. “Was I doing something wrong? Was I not pleasing you or did you just...grow bored of me?” She wanted to understand. Her insecurities were starting to take over.
“No, Daena. You were...are the perfect wife. You didn’t do anything wrong...” He couldn’t explain his actions. “I don’t know why it started. Late nights at the office and she was there.”
“I was 20 minutes away...at home...waiting for you. You couldn’t keep it in your goddamn pants for 20 minutes and I’m supposed to believe you have no reason for sleeping with her?!” She yelled.
“What do you want me to say, Daena. We were both so wrapped up in our jobs that we barely saw each other. Yea, you were 20 minutes away. You were exhausted and passed out by time I got home. She was convenient...and after a while it...it was just easy.” He sighed heavily, He was now leaning against the wall.
“So, all of this started...” Daena had started to move toward him. “because you were too...chivalrous to wake your tired wife for a quickie?” She was now right in front of him. “Are you kidding me?! You should have talked to me!” she pushed him against the wall. “You should have fucking talk to me” push “not spend a year and a half” push “sleeping with someone else!” She had reached her breaking point. “I’m your wife!” She screamed and hit his chest harder. “I spent so much time...trying to figure out why...you didn't want me!” she was crying. Alex stood there and took her pushes and let her beat against his chest. “I don’t know...what I did...to make you stop loving me!” She tried to continue yelling but her emotions were overwhelming her. She went back in for another swing at his chest, but this time Alex grabbed her arm.
“Daena...” He grabbed the other a second later and pulled her into his chest. He quickly wrapped his arms around her to attempt to calm her. He knew about Daena’s past and the way her mother treated her. He was always so proud of how strong of a woman she had become despite her upbringing. But, she still had moments of doubting her self-worth. He was always there to try to bring her out of the past.
“Why wasn’t I good enough?” She whispered against his chest as the tears continues to fall freely down her cheeks.
“You were good enough. You are good enough.” He soothed. “I am the one who did wrong here. You did nothing wrong...” He would continue to hold her for as long as she needed.
** Julia **
Have you spoken to her since she left?
“No. To be honest I don’t know if I want to.” Julia was sitting on her couch, mindlessly flipping through stations while on the phone with Lena.
You think she’s going to stay with him?
“He’s her husband and the father of her child. She still loves him.” Julia sighed.
I’m sorry, Jules. If she wasn’t pregnant, I would totally hunt her down and kick her ass for hurting you.
“I did this to myself. I knew the risks and I slept with her anyway.” Julia gave up and turned the TV off. “This is your chance to say ‘I told you so’.”
That’s not something you say to a friend that's hurting. Besides, you know I was only looking out for you.
“You’re the only who does...”
And I always will... I have to go. Nana needs me in early to help restock the shelves before the dinner rush.
“Okay. Call me if you guys need help tonight. I wouldn’t mind the distraction.”
Will do. And Julia...
“Yes...”
Don’t ignore her calls.
“Lena...”
No. I know you, Jules. If she calls you, don’t ignore it. Even if she chooses him, it’s better to know instead driving yourself insane with ‘what ifs’.
“Ok, fine. I won’t ignore her.”
Good. I’ll call you later.
“Alright. Bye.” Julia hung up her phone and laid back on the couch.
The one day a week that she doesn’t have to work at any of her jobs and she had done nothing but think about Daena. She had left the brunette in her home while she went to the gym. She assumed, correctly, that Daena would be gone when she returned. However, part of her still hoped the older woman would have still been there.
She knew her odds in this. She had seen enough affairs to know that the mistress usually didn’t win. She had once considered the idea that she actually had a chance. She thought Daena might have actually felt something deeper as well. But all of it, the phone calls, the late nights, lunch dates, the cuddling, seemed too good to be true. She realized that and had to remind herself of where she fit in to all of this.
** Daena **
They had stood there for what could have been hours. It was actually about 30 minutes. Alex had held and soothed Daena until her tears became sporadic sniffles. When he felt like she was calm enough, he continued the conversation.
“So... What are you going to do?” he asked nervously. She pulled back and searched his face, trying to figure out what he was getting at.
“I’m not getting rid of it.” She replied resolutely.
“Okay...” he took a deep breath and nodded. “Then we are having a baby.” He spoke firmly and stared back into brown eyes.
“What...what about us?” she was still unclear of his intentions. She had no doubt that Alex would be an excellent father. He was wonderful with children. But she wasn’t sure of whether he wanted to do this together or... Hell she wasn’t even sure of what she even wanted anymore.
“We will make it work. I’m not going to turn my back on my family. You and the baby are what’s important.” her heart skipped a beat at his response. She wanted to break down in tears, but she didn’t know who she would be crying for. One tear escaped down her cheek, Alex wiped it with his thumb.
“You...” her breath was shaky. “You have to stop seeing her...” She whispered, the words being said mainly to herself. She had to stop seeing Julia. She has a chance to fix her marriage and she had to let go of whatever else she had.
“I know.” he nodded and pulled her back into his embrace. She continued to cry on his shoulder. She wanted to curse the blonde for making her do this. She knew she wasn’t ready to let go yet. She knew that when the time came, she would choose the security of her marriage over the unknown with Julia. She would have kept her secret till the last possible minute if it meant she had more time. Now it was over. Now she had to focus on her family...
The time seemed to go by in slow motion most days. Alex had been home more. He was even insistent on being at all her doctor’s appointments. She could tell he was thrilled about becoming a father. She smiled at the thought. She couldn’t help but feel like this could work. All she had to do was let go. She hadn’t spoken to Julia since that day. She couldn't bring herself to face the blonde. Partially because she didn’t want to see the pain in those beautiful green eyes, but also, she knew she wouldn’t be able to let her go if she saw her again.
So, she had spent the last three weeks being the dedicated lawyer, and dedicated wife, and the excited dedicated mother-to-be. She was doing okay, until she spoke to Liz last night. Her blonde best-friend had called to inform her of her run in with the blonde bartender. Elizabeth said Julia looked good. That they spoke briefly about herself and that the younger blonde was happy to hear that she was working her marriage out. Liz said that was about are far as their conversation went.
Daena didn’t know what she had expected. It’s been three weeks... Of course, Julia would move on. Now She knew for sure that she had to as well.
Too much of a good thing won't be good for long
Although you made my heart sing, to stay with you would be wrong
Too much of a good thing won't be good anymore
Watch where I tread before I fall
- Sam Smith