We aren't on our game all the time. Not all of our writing "sounds like us" or ends up delivering the impact we are intending.
If you have ever experienced some success in writing it probably has happened by complete accident. If you write music or for film you have probably experienced the same highs and lows that a print writer does.
When something is selected by your peers and you "get paid". There is satisfaction - perhaps vindication - for all the years spent "wasting your time".
The worst part about the "high" of success is it causes temporary blindness. What I mean by temporary blindness is success interferes with our ability to function as our unique selves.
Most writers write, painters paint and musicians freely experiment. When you package up your creativity to have it produced or to try and get it published - a lot of times you have more than one piece of work going on at the same time. Often times publishers will like what you sent them but they will want to see/hear more. The problem with this in my experience is they will find gold in what you think is your worst work (or at least not your best).
We have conditioned ourselves to the point where we cant evaluate our successes. We hear our voice on a recording and think "man do I really sound like that" - it takes a lifetime to be able to tell what a hit song sounds like coming out of your mouth - after all we are not all amazing singers and even if we are - we can't all hear it. The same is true of writing. We can see and feel our voice but after years of trying to "make it" we get lost as to what the public wants to hear.
Success can influence you to write what you don't want. I have had success with my personal writing - but I had even more success writing about politics or my most soul sucking position - writing celebrity news.
Writing Celebrity gossip was the ultimate "sell out" experience for me as a writer. I was rewarded because its popular - but I was left feeling terrible - I was comparing myself to the twits in Hollywood or the people in the comment section - and I realized it's not my reality.
Sometimes the highs stop and there are no voices. We go back and look at what made us successful. I was good at writing Celebrity gossip in the same way I would be good at doing anything involving writing. It was a success for me but a huge low point.
The lows of writing can kill your creative process. Going back and trying to relive your former successes by focusing on something that drives you up the wall (like celebrity gossip) - may lead to material success - but if you are truly uninterested in celebrity it will suck your soul.
I enjoy technical writing which some people absolutely hate. The key is learning from your mistakes and the successes that turn out to be mistakes. In writing and in business sometimes a success is wrapped in a giant failure. Sometimes you start something and get that sinking feeling that it's not right for you. This is where we find ourselves where we define ourselves - everyone has a lane - we are all just defining the boundaries of it.
The lows could be negative comments on a post you've done, or rejection on a pitch, or realizing halfway through a novel that the characters just aren't believable and the book sucks (it happens). These are the times where you learn about yourself as a creator and about your content. The more you refine your skills and figure out what you don't want as a writer the closer you are to being exactly who you want to be with the voice you want.
If you are an aspiring novelist - you might have one chance in your career with one novel - do you really think you are there yet? If you look at the masters of the Renaissance - guys like Da Vinci and Michelangelo- they left WAY more unfinished works in their lifetime than finished works. I remember being amazed seeing that these guys just kinda gave up (take a trip to Italy) - or in the case of a painting like the Mona Lisa - Da Vinci kept it with him and seemed to be refining it until he died.
We aren't defined by success and failure, but both provide us the ability to really look deep into what we are doing in our art. After all, art is supposed to convey a message - and if people have mixed feelings about what you are writing about - then you probably don't have it right yet.
One of the most vulnerable things I did was have a professional critique my writing. I had 5 very different pieces looked at an critiqued. I was not defensive at all about the result - I was amazed at how I didn't see that a story line went in the wrong direction - or was too wordy - or too long. The best writers don't need thousands of words - they also don't need fame or fortune or recognition - many don't achieve that in their life. Would you rather write "The Great Gatsby" or "Catcher In The Rye" or be ultra rich like James Patterson who simply writes story outlines and hires people to flesh it out. Patterson definitely has the better business - but I think when you start looking at your writing as a business like "Wal-Mart" where quantity trumps quality - its time to go back to the table, evaluate your failure and work on something you can be proud of.
Ryan Geddes is an entreprenuer located in Toronto Canada. When he's not writing, hes helping with House&Canvas Furniture Paint.