The Characters of Tioman: Amusing and Absurd

Characters of Tioman: Amusing and Absurd

I am happily resigned to the fact that so long as I continue to reside on this island, either embedded on the communal couch in this shack-style resort, or outside making the most of the beach, I will have no dull moments.

The Brat Pack: These three local boys have caused a lot of angst, considering they are only 11 years old. They loiter around the back entrance, scanning the room and peeking through the slits in the bamboo walls to see if they can sneak in undetected. With their phones firmly in hand, they position themselves in the corner of the room, out of sight, and 'steal' the wifi, hogging the connection so it is unusable for the guests. Their presence irritates the manager, The Fridge to no end. If he spots them, he chases them out. Having reached his tolerance threshold one day, he attempted to teach them a lesson by changing the wifi password. It turned out The Fridge didn't know how to do that, and tearing the cord from the router was not the answer. There was no wifi for four days. After the internet provider servicemen came over from the mainland and fixed it, we were all told the new password and sworn to secrecy. Yesterday, when the three boys came in, The Fridge danced like a leprechaun, pointed at the boys, and triumphantly proclaimed, 'Ha ha! No wifi for you, ha ha!' After his joy subsided, he saw us staring blankly at him and sheepishly muttered, 'That was mean.'

Return of the Waitress: It's nice to have her familiar face back after her time off. She hasn't changed one bit after her break, which for us means that with her return, also comes the return of surprise meals. On her first day back I ordered roti with peanut butter. I got roti with curry. The following morning my tea with milk smelled and tasted surprising like black coffee. I suspect she wasn't at a waitressing conference during her time off.

Mama-O'Flannigan: The Irish mother is here on vacation with her adult daughter. She walked with her daughter over to the local school where the daughter wanted to inquire about a job teaching English. Mama-O'Flannigan did not adhere to the professional image her daughter was trying to uphold. Wearing her fanny-pack, sensible, wide-brimmed hat and big sunglasses, she ran into one of the classrooms and joined in singing 'Wheels on the bus' because that is, as she claimed, her song. Being the ultimate tourist, she also waved hysterically, shouting, 'hellooo' to all the children in the school yard. She reached for one boys head, 'because it looked like it would feel nice'. He didn't see her hand outstretched in front of her and ran into it, rebounding onto the ground. They left promptly. Jobless.

Dopplegangers - Bearded man and blonde girl: This is weird. The bearded man and blonde girl couple, look freakily similar to my boyfriend and I (except we are more vertically challenged). I hadn't noticed them until yesterday, while I was swimming. I turned my head to see my boyfriend also swimming, about 15 metres away, which confused me because I thought he had gone surfing. I then realised it wasnt my boyfriend at all, instead, a complete stranger who was disturbed that I was staring at him so intently and inquisitively. I admitted my case of mistaken identity to my real boyfriend later. He acted appalled that I could make such a mistake. He then confessed that he had seen 'me' sunbathing earlier while I was actually in our hut. The Irish mother and daughter have also mistaken them for us on multiple occasions, seeing their identical heads poking over the back side of the couch where we normally sit. I wonder if the girl is writing about me...

The 'woohoooo'-ing lady: She's a middle-aged, some-kind-of-European, vacationer. It's hard to establish her accent when all I've ever heard her say is 'woohoooooooo!'. I noticed it while I was swimming in the ocean. She was a little way down the beach, also in the water, swimming by herself in her vacation appropriate, nautically themed, striped swimsuit. Each time a wave rushed over her, she popped her head up out of the water and... 'wooooohooooooo!'. After every single wave. As if cheering for them. The waves aren't great today, I wonder if she'll be out there 'boooo-ing'?

Boss-man: The owner was in a great mood today. Instead of walking, he danced everywhere he went. I asked him where he learned his moves from, to which he responded, in all truth and seriousness, 'from my days being a gigalo'. He suavely added, 'Ladies love the dancing, it helps with the romancing,' concluding with his signature pelvic thrust.

The fan (continued): After some investigation by The Fridge, it was discovered that the blades had been mounted backwards (by the Boss-man of course) and the only air circulating was hitting the wall behind it. After The Fridge fixed it, he stood in front of the air stream and in satisfaction pretended he was being blown over by the wind. He almost was, because as it turns out, it is an industrial strength fan and when mounted the right way is too powerful to be of any comfort. The fan has been off since.

New Chef: There's been a serious decrease in the amount of french fries on the side of my plate since he started. Between him and the Waitress, I have let go of any high hopes I had of enjoying my meals.
While eating breakfast this morning, he waltzed out of the kitchen, with swagger, wearing his chef coat, and DC knit cap, in the 35°C heat. Thug on top, business on the bottom. With some serious steez, moving his head from side to side and doing that gesture with his hands that every rapper does (you know the one, where you point your index finger and fiercely bring your hand towards yourself, then repeat with the other hand).... to the song playing on the radio.... Tom Petty's Free Fallin'.
Tioman represent. Uh.

Even if I wanted a day off from the insanity around me, there's nowhere on this island I would be able to get it. I'm glad about that. Maybe I simply lucked out by finding this paradise teeming with such a high concentration of eccentric weirdos. Or, maybe we're all a little bit unhinged and I'm only just starting to realise it.

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