How do we think we'll ever be happy in the future if we can't experience happiness where we are right now with all we've got (and don't)?
I've spent years putting off my life, thinking fulfillment awaited in the future once I did so and so or had "x." Again and again, I sacrificed joy & aliveness in the present for some fantasy of being, doing, and having "more" - as though the external world could really dictate how good I felt about myself.
I've wasted far too much precious time imagining the possibilities of what could be, in struggle against what is. I've deprived myself of feeling good and others the warmth of my spirit by thinking only "some day" after I've "proven myself," would I be justified to be at peace - content with life and the world.
How have we expected to created a "better future" if we've been so intent on viewing what's "wrong" or in need or improvement in our lives rather than embracing & celebrating all that's right - beautiful, amazing, magical, wonderful, awesome, blessed, and Divinely perfect?
I've been so thrown off balance by the chaos, injustice, and insanity in the world, I've forgotten to pause and take in the grace - resting in amazement of the order & profound depth of soulfulness permeating everything I've been so critical of myself and where I'm at in my life, I've failed to acknowledge the wonder of how gifted we are to be born in this time with so much opportunity, with the gift of so many possibilities.
Surely, I am not the only one under such a spell of short-sightedness - having been unconscious to all the reasons for feeling nothing less than an ecstasy, for no other reason than being alive & well. We've been a culture blinded by distorted values & misconceptions - leaving the self- awareness of our excellence to be rediscovered, while submitting to standards less than we want & deserve. Yet, culture aside - what other time is there but NOW to abandon all the limiting norms and destructive assumptions programmed into us by society, to open our eyes and step into the being of inspired, radiant living, here, as we breathe?
Are we not smarter than to fall for the trap of believing a future that may never come will be better than today - that the richness of positive emotion & expression of vibrant passion is not available to us wherever we go, whenever we're there? Or are we grateful for the insight into how loved we are - bestowed with the capacity for centering ourselves in the serenity of gleeful contentment in all places at all times?
I've fooled myself for long enough - mistaken that more money or accomplishment would bring a greater sense of power & satisfaction. 'Tis the illusion of ego. Truth is - we have nothing to prove. Greater respect is to be won - both from ourselves & others - by shedding the doubts to reveal our wealth as we are, than putting off the celebration of our success until it matches up with some arbritary idealized image. And much happiness is to be gained as we abandon comparison - no longer judging ourselves against our "potential," but befriending ourselves compassionately while we grow through all stages of ups & downs, highs & lows...
Our "arrival" shall be our greatest defeat, without the enjoyment of each step on our paths - no matter the terrain. Yet, our greatest victories shall be but the sequence of steps - not towards anything specific, but as the unfolding play of life itself.
No destination or prize can make us happier than we're capable of being right now - no matter how glorious the result, or how seemingly horrendous our circumstances. It's all temporary. And with the changing tides, we can flow - in resistance, anticipating "better" times to come; or with pleasure, clear & free to observe & engage with what life brings us today.
Errors I've made, delaying the appreciation of life's spendours - demanding more; but with so much time off track, the track becomes clear...
What better time than now to claim acceptance of all there is to be happy about - and if that all be nothing at all but the option to experience happiness now?
written May 2011