I met my father for the first time last week, I turn 26 next week. I met him again on Wednesday this week and earlier today.
I was raised by a single mother, a beautiful woman who gave me a life at the expense of hers. She met my dad at college in her sophomore year and a romance blossomed, he was a year ahead of her. She 'took in' in her third year, he was in his finals then, they agreed to keep the baby and stay together forever but man ran away.
Mother had to take two years off college to have and nurse me, we lived together with her mum in my early days. I'm not mincing words if I say my childhood wasn't fun because it really wasn't, I was an isolated kid. I spent most of my free times inside my head, mother was the only thing I had and she gave her all, maybe she had seen some men outside but she never brought them home. She only began to talk about my father after I finished high school, she must have loved him very much and from her stories he loved her equally, there was no photo of him anywhere, no memory, the only image i have of him were those stories she told me and my mind tried to create a picture of the man behind them. I try hard not to imagine him in our life because that would feel like denting mother's struggles and everything she went through but I'm almost 100% certain a life with a father would have been better.
Last week my mother called me to a restaurant which was strange because we had just left each other in the morning and were supposed to meet at home in the evening. I met her with a man, the man turned out to be my father. He looked exactly like my mother's stories, like the man in my head only taller. Turns out mother has been in contact with him for a while. It was quite a lot to take in - it's not everyday you meet your father you know, and I wasn't sure how to act or what to say.
I can't remember what exactly he said or what i even said but I found it complete nonsense. He said something about being sorry, he was young and stupid, he's back now, he loves my mother and some other blah blah blah. Lol. I had looked forward to that day but the whole thing turned out to be arrant nonsense, his excuses were just too lame. How can a man leave someone he claims to love with a baby and appears out of nowhere 27 years later with no sensible reason for it. He was young? Wasn't mother young too?
I stormed out.
He came by the house on Wednesday while i was preparing for work but i just wasn't in the mood and he raised his voice at me; he was my dad, he was older than me, he brought me to this life and I'm going to have to listen to him.
"The only thing you did was impregnant my mother and I don't think that's enough reason to call you father",
I lashed out at him and then gave him my autobiography, well punctuated with the pain, sorrow, hunger, depression of my 26 years and warned him off, mother was at a corner crying, I fought back my own tears, turning it to anger. He mellowed.
I saw him once again today, might be the last time ever. We went over to his place, I and mother, he left his address with her. Two children ran out with him when he came out us to meet me and mother, a teen walked pass moments later smiling at me, a beautiful lady walked up to us just right him. He's married with kids; my tears were building, I was trying hard no to cry.
I told him I came to apologize, mother made me do this, I meant everything I said to him and I wasn't sorry for that, I'm only sorry that I was rude to him and screamed at him. He smiled and said it's alright, tears rolled down his cheeks, mine rolled down too; 'we could start all over' he said, I smiled and nodded. He moved in to hug me but I extended a hand so he shook it, I badly needed a hug but I didn't want it from him.
On the ride back home I let home, I cried loud and wet. I felt angry that the man left the supposed love of his life and child to be suffer, I don't know if he even ever thought of us. But a part of me wanted him back, I yearned for a second parent, a stable man for mother, a man who knows her and will massage the pain of the past years off her back but this man betrayed us already, he married a new woman and they have beautiful kids together. How can he be a father to me when he's a father to them already, will he ever have enough love for me after all the sharing? I didnt wait this long for a father to share him with anyone. He already warms another woman's bed, how can he heal mother?
Mother held unto me as I cried all the way back home, I don't think I ever want to see him again.