This morning, I read a story online about someone in the entertainment industry who felt used and betrayed by a protégée. In recounting his own side of the story to the media, he sounded bitter (and legitimately so) as he went down the 'after all I've done for you' route.
Let me share my philosophy when dealing with unrequited goodwill.
Consider the popular parable of the sower.
The story goes that a certain farmer sowed some GOOD seed. GOOD SEED.
Some fell on rocks and dried up; some amongst thorns that choked them; and some fell by the way side to be eaten by wild birds. Eventually, some fell on good soil and hurray! They germinated and brought forth a good harvest.
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Lets deconstruct this for a bit.
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Apparently the farmer didn't know what he was doing. Who throws seeds to rocks and thorns? But that's okay. Everyone starts out a 'learner' on these streets. Let's keep going.
When you first do good for people, there's almost no way of knowing how it will turn out for sure. You can only hope that they're good soil. If they're not, be like the farmer and keep on sowing.
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LISTEN UP.
Some people do not understand how to deal with good seeds. Not everybody knows how to handle kindness. To some people, your kindness means that you're the one person that can be effed with, without fear of consequence.
It doesn't mean they're necessarily wicked people. They don't know better. They will attempt to use you and abuse you until they burn that bridge, then it's on to the next.
LISTEN UP AGAIN.
It is also not your job to teach them. The experience has only shown you where they are in the school of life. They might learn someday, but not from you. Don't cause yourself unnecessary distress and sorrow trying to 'prove a point'.
Keep sowing... ELSEWHERE.
Indeed you might come upon thorns that will choke your seed; rocks that will cause them to shrivel and die; and some will be wild birds who will eat up your seed giving you zero return.
Keep sowing... ELSEWHERE.
Don't worry about returns for now. Your goal right here isn't the harvest. Just hold on, we're just seeking good soil.
When you eventually find good soil, it doesn't give you back exactly what you invested. It's a multiplier. In return for every single seed, it gives you an entire tree.
Good people are rare, but they exist. If on account of previous negative outcomes you stop sowing, you'll never find them.
I should end this post here, but let me explain another angle that I know is on your mind.
What about the users and abusers? Should I just let them have their way and go without consequence?
There are 2 available routes here.
You could take out your anger on them. But have you tried punching thorns or rocks? If you're really strong, you might hurt them back and temporarily sate your ego, but now look at your fist, my friend. You're bleeding too. That was unnecessary.
You could let it go and keep sowing ELSEWHERE. Does that mean they got away with their callousness? To mortal eyes, it might appear so.
The thing with such people however, is that when they get away with hurting you, they become bolder and more competent at hurting people. This ensures that it happens again... and this is a good thing.
They'll eventually come upon someone who's not as rational as you, and that will be their Waterloo. After a devastating loss, people often ponder the road traveled. And there, they will remember you.
Trust me, in time, they always do. You know those phone calls that come after many years 'just to know how you're doing'? Yeah, those ones.
The superior mind understands that there is wisdom in (metaphorically) turning the other cheek.
The superior mind knows to keep sowing GOOD SEED.
We're goodwill farmers. We never go hungry.
Reference
John Obidi March, 2017.