Outlet For My Rage

I myself have found a new a new way to live. Many of you may have heard of my troubles with drug addiction in the past. I am one of the lucky few who don't die, don't end up in prison, or jump from rehab bed to bed. If anyone of you know someone or are someone who deals with addiction I'm sure you can relate with me. I write about this now because it is a safe outlet for my emotions. I wanted to go into a fit of rage dealing with something tonight that I have no control over. I do however have control over my own choices today. So instead of smashing a phone or acting a fool I'll express myself here on steemit.

I'm Upset But Today I Can Manage It Well

In the past I've never been one for act appropriately when it came to my emotions. Mostly any feeling I used to have I would turn instantly into a rage. I was comfortable being angry all the time. I was very good at hiding this anger too. I was like I took all feelings and converted them to rage. I would put this rage in a bottle and set it on a shelf. At times though this shelf would pile up and come crashing down. This moments would lead me into a destructive fit. Very unproductive. So I had one of these moments tonight and my heart was pounding. What I did was take back control.

Manage The Multiples Inside Yourself

There was a part of me telling me to destroy a phone that I had in my hand. I chose to set it down. Everything in my natural body was demanding that I act in ways I knew would not help me out at all. These days it has been easier for me. I talk to that voice who wants me to make bad decisions and tell it no. My first thoughts and actions are separate to me than the man that is at a higher level of existence. The smart side of me the actual me is who I am today. I cannot kill the addict that lives inside me. It almost seems like some sort of mental disorder to feel that my mind has a demon side that must be suppressed. I allow those feelings to come and I simply address them. These are my quick jumpy thoughts. Like stab this person and such. Obviously its easy to know stabbing someone is a bad idea but the less severe ones are easy to be confused for ok ideas in the quick spur of the moment. I'd say my key is to jump back and view it from my longer term brain. This is how I deal with drugs and alcohol. It may seem stupid to not be able to take a sip of a beer if someone wants you take a quick taste but I know how my thoughts work. The moment I ingest any drug or alcohol that short term brain takes over.