I am blocked. In the past two weeks, words just refuse to come out like they usually do. There's good reason for it, as always. Personal life stress like moving apartments and challenges in relationships are not very conducive to creativity and motivation. At least not for me.
The "I don't have time" excuse is just that. If I can find to help out random newbies on Discord or curate content manually - I have the time to write a good post.
So I find myself living on the blockchain with a block of a different kind, making my impact in other ways without updating my blog. Which means I am currently back to (only) writing for a living and when it's absolutely necessary for a business goal or function.
But why is that? Where did my muse, the one that promised you daily posts many months ago, wander off to?
What is Good Enough & Why It Matters
As a content creator on this blockchain, I want to give you perfection and top notch quality content not only because it's how I want to be perceived, but mostly because I feel ashamed getting a relatively high payout for a selfie or similar zero-effort content while other authors fight to get recognized for good hard work. This impacts me significantly. With over 3,000 followers (with at least 100 active readers among them), posting something that is below what I consider worthy of reward is just... lame.
So I avoid posting selfies and stupid jokes, obviously, because those are the basic standards I set for myself (for the most part). I also know perfectly well that perfection is but an ideal that cannot be reached, and whatever I type up will still be better than at least half the shitposts in Trending.
If so, why am I not creating good content like I used to? Did it stop being good enough?
I know my quality hasn't dropped. If it did, I'd know about it from and my teammates at Utopian.io. I can still type something that is fun to read even if the topic isn't the most exciting one. So what changed?
What "Perfectionism" Is Hiding
I don't see perfectionism as a positive trait because I perceive it as a form of anxiety. We're afraid that our best is not good enough, or that someone else's best is somehow tainted away from perfection. This leads me to believe that one of the main reasons for this writers' block of mine is the overall raised state of anxiety I've been in for the past months.
Between how challenging work is, some unpleasant heartbreak and moving apartments (less than 2 weeks from today Gods help me), it's no wonder I approach writing with an elevated level of anxiety that presents itself as perfectionism. My confidence has taken a few blows and my brain is full of crap, so I don't trust myself to create - to write.
How do I fix this?
People who know me personally will tell you that nothing frustrates me more than an unsolved problem. Obviously, I want this block gone. I want to publish new chapters to , write that Open Source Marketing blog series and even contribute something creative and not only functional to Utopian.io. So how do I fight it, now that I know what some of the underlying causes are?
The perfect answer to that is far too complex, and is so mercurial that it might change in a week or two. For example, the last time I moved homes, one of the side-effects was quitting steemit for a while. A move is a change. I just need to figure out how I can use this change to empower my writing on this platform instead of killing it dead.
Another potential answer is posts like this one. Long and tedious conversations with myself trying to understand what it is about my emotional state that is making me creatively stuck. I've seen a share of those on the blockchain, so I wouldn't be the first.
I can probably think of a few more potential solutions to my current creative stagnation, but I would like to know what you think. Tell me in the comments - how do you manage perfectionism, writers' blocks and life getting in the way of steeming?