Transgendered, transmission, transmigration, transatlantic, transwhat?
Transmogrification. Thus speaketh the wise 
This story is about the transformation of an Orangutan's overused bottom into a cool chimp on two wheels.
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Before the bike there was food
Before I became cooler than the watercooler, I was boring like a radish. Now all the fridges are attracted to me because I don't emit CFC. Cool and protect the environment. Ha! Beat that you bunch of hot ovens.
The biggest Transmogrification happens every day for me. When you take boring meat and vegetables and throw them in the community melting pot.
Food is magical.
Cooking more so. Men cannot give birth, the closest they can come to experiencing having something of their own is to get into the kitchen and whip up an awesome dish.
From the time I was a little boy, the sound and smell of bacon frying in the pan whafting from the kitchen to the rest of the house took me to another world. No magician could perform such wonders as a chef. The Taj Mahal pales in comparison.
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Wheels of change
The community melting pot often results in a pot belly.
Therein lies the wonder of two wheels. It puts a smile on your face and removes the flab from your tummy. And there has been nothing which has helped me transmogrify more than the wheels of my motorcycle and bicycle.
First came the motorcycle, I wanted to ride crazy distances to far off lands, seeing new people, places and food! And my motorcycle took me places, made friends for me and even got me a job!
Then came the bicycle, it took me to even more places, to fantastic heights (literally) and showed me what it means to feel pain. It made me stronger, not just physically, but mentally as well.
My two wheels transmogrified the hell out of me. A lot of what I am today is thanks to God's greatest gift to humanity, Two Wheels! Today I am the happiest chimp in the world.
