Saying goodbye to 2018.

With one foot in the year that happened and with the other in which it will come. Then.. To start the new year with a great feet and run away from the one that ended.

2018 the year with the most notes in the calendar, the year with the most blurs and new accounts, the year that taught me the most. We always say the same thing every time the end of the year approaches, but with certainty I can say that of the 25 years that I have lived, this has been the one that has marked me the most. This year I emigrated, to start from scratch, I left alone to surround myself with strangers who would become more than new faces. I fell and got up many times, I learned that the days pass and pass, no matter how much we want to stop. I understood that nobody leaves us completely, that despite not being with us, a part of them always accompanies us. I learned that missing goes hand in hand with loving, beyond all that we can remember.

The year in which I discovered that not letting the bad times and sadness overpower us is what makes us brave. I learned that courage or heroism is not measured by recognitions, but by those struggles that we silently have, of which we are wounded, but alive, being able to call it "small victory".

It's well known that experiences change us, leaves a mark on our souls, make us what we are. People often say that magic happens outside of your comfort zone, this time it's true. You think you know yourself well, you think you know what you want in life or what you are capable of, but all of that is immersed in the hustle and bustle. Have you ever had a moment to really feel inside your soul and think directly with your heart?

We change, while we live, we change, we move forward. What makes us change? Experiences. Our experiences change us and bring us closer to the ability to give each person the value they deserve in our lives. Any emotion that comes from a direct contact with reality implies a change: we can travel and know new life models, find people with thoughts and customs that we did not know, form a family, lose people that we think would be forever, discover love and lack of love, etc. All this, without realizing it, will change us. There will be moments that will mark us so much that we will believe that they have lasted longer than they really did and others that we will remember as fleeting.

With enough introspection, I realized that I don't know myself enough to know what I want. By mere instinct, I manage to know what I don't want, quite safely. Maybe it's a little sad to think that you don't know yourself, knowing where you're coming from and where you're going, but not knowing where you are now. If I'm sure of something, it's that tomorrow overwhelms me as much as today, but yesterday lies buried, in peace.

I know that I don't care what I will do to earn a living, I also know that I want to know what hurts me and what moves me. I want to know if I'll run the risk of looking foolish, for love, for my dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

To know ourselves isn't knowing what planets align, it's to know if we have touched the center of our own pain. It's knowing if we have been opened by the betrayals of life or have withered and-perhaps-closed out of fear of additional pain.

To know what you want is to be aware that we can be with joy and let ecstasy fill us from the tips of our fingers to our feet; without warning us to be careful, to be realistic and without remembering the limitations of being human.

Knowing if you can disappoint another to be honest with yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul, know if you can be unfaithful and, therefore, be reliable. See the beauty in the air, even when it's not beautiful every day and be grateful for that.

I thank the universe for everything I learn and embrace all the circumstances that will come.