I have written many a story here for you to read, find some light, get some laughs, ease the tedium of living, remind you of how brief life is among all the other duties of a writer. I have given you the best that my mind can come up with and now I am tired.
I often wonder what I will be if not a writer. When I was in secondary school, when we were asked what our aspirations were for the future, I was never able to give an answer. While my mates mentioned lawyer, doctors, nurses, engineers, accountants, teachers and what nots, I remained mute.
I remained mute until I finished my four years course at the University and even after the national youth service year came to an end. I only discovered my aspiration when I got a job at a blog writing stories. Now I don't know what else to do.
I have worked as a teacher, an assistant to a lawyer, salesperson for a website, salesperson for an electronic shop and as a writer in a blog. I didn't enjoy any of those jobs except the last one. I felt sad when it ended. Yet I now say that I am tired.
It is not as if I am tired of writing in itself. I doubt I would ever get tired of writing poetry. I am actually tired of the silence and the limitations I have created for myself here.
In order to give my all to the blockchain content creation space, I have foregone poetry contests, submissions to online journals, etc and as a result I have lost contact with the literary world outside the cryptospace. For some, it would seem as if I have gone to seed when in reality, my fire burns ever bright.
What do I do? Do I leave the blockchain platform and return my focus to getting published in the traditional media or do I find a balance between the two or do I ignore the traditional media and focus all my activities on the blockchain platform as I have been doing for a year now? I am perplexed.
I feel that publishing a collection would be a suitable step in my literary journey but I do not feel the urge to take the step forward.
Last night, I registered on okadabooks, a website that allows one to publish their literary pieces and place them in the market. I wonder if it would work but what can I do?
I feel stagnated. I feel as if I am running in circles. I want to move, I want to find the next path in my journey. Is this the wrong time or the wrong method?
Right now, I am jobless, homeless and broke. I am depending on friends to survive and the little I can get from selling off crypto. This is not a good plan. This is not what my life should be. But what can I do?
You see now that my tiredness goes deeper than you might think at a glance. I need courage to get this dream into the real world. I need help to put all my thoughts and ideas into something tangible yet I just want to be left alone to watch my dreams fade.
Tonight I will try to get some poems together into a collection and maybe take a stab at publishing. I don't expect anything out of this. I don't even think I will sell a copy. I just want to know that I took a step forward. That I am finally moving past my stagnant state. I will tell you what the journey taught me and maybe you too would be able to make something out of all of this. Peace.
©warpedpoetic, 2018.