Painting a picture of yourself as better than you are. Comparing yourself to others in the way you communicate where you are subtlely propping yourself up as 'better' and at the same time placing others beneath you as "less"....you of course being "more" than. It's delusional in and of itself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using other's as a general point of comparison to make myself feel better. To perpetuate a belief that I am better than others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the deeply ingrained point of competing against myself from the perspective of not realizing and understanding myself within equality and oneneness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how I've further separated myself within my judgments and comparisons of people as better than and worse than.
I realize the polarity play of energy and that I'm always the starting point - meaning if I accept and allow a 'gap' within myself....a block....where I create this divide through judgement.....a more than, less than experience -I am perpetuating a dissonance within myself and others....keeping myself separated from standing one and equal.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for keeping quiet when I see peers in my environment go into self-delusions of grandeur. I realize the deception here. I commit myself to pointing out the great deception as I see it. I realize this is an outflow of the care taking I give to myself and that as I do these things for myself I am able to give the support to others. I realize that my effectiveness in communicating the point with another - really boils down to how well I know and understand myself as the point. I realize my effectiveness in communicating a point of separation is quite strained and even restrained if I am not being honest about myself within the point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge within self-delusions of grandeur where there's this subtle undercurrent in my thinking at times where it's like I am giving myself a boost...this boost being the delusion of sorts...where it's like in my thinking I make myself out to be better than I am. I realize on a deeper level that giving myself these motivational boots of "being better" is a point of self-delusion, as a coping method for the accepted and allowed inadequacies within myself. I realize this has been an unconscious secret mind pattern that I've just kind of quietly fed as I ever so subtlely indulged within it from time to time. Not realizing nor understanding the extent of my own deception.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create like an energetic boost like experience in comparing myself as being better off...better positioned...more fortunate than others in my reality....which it's like this subtle really quick jab at myself and my peers.
I realize the ridiculousness of these judgement and comparison energy wave games...where it's like a subtle thing to create a rift....perpetuating and expanding a rift within myself - not realizing how this is like a ripping and a tearing of my body and life apart. I realize ripping on myself and others has been problematic for me. It's been a form of malfunction in my best response abilities - where there's been a sort of bullying tendency within me...almost like this tough love kind of thing - where it's like I am my own military drill sergeant and I've accepted that it's the way things are - we must fight each other into our best standing at whatever the cost and consequence...not fighting would be weak.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how weak I've been emotionally, where I've accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the subtle emotional energies that randomly pop up within me and then react out a play out in my environment towards others....not realizing the extent to which I am showing myself an internal rift/dissonance within myself and that my external reality is here to assist with my internal alignment. I realize it's in my commitment to listen to the experiences that come up within me - but to not take these experiences as the gospel of god - but actually utilize these experiences and moments as my points of question and challenge for myself - to really challenge my best character here.
I realize if I just accept the character that comes to mind as my experience in a moment - then I am helplessly hopeless for I am dependent upon being conditioned and influenced according to energetic pulls or pushes ...not realizing and understanding how I've been pulling and pushing my own harp strings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having got so use to chirping on things and others...where it's like I am standing in the superior position and I am looking down on the thing I am talking about. I realize it's not cool to indulge within delusions of grandeur and that it's actually the pinnacle of deception - where it's like accepting you in your mind as a software program to be in control - where it's like the real you is suppressed into the corner of yourself...almost like beating yourself into a form of submission - not realzing and understanding the extent to which self-belittlement has existed - not realizing the inadequacy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be-little and berate myself. And to compensate for this by belittling and berating others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a belief that I am inadequate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify self-delusion.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically react on a very subtle level when my self-delusions are challenged and brought into question and focus.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for initially being uncomfortable to even acknowledge the pattern of self-delusion and to an extent perpetuated and compounded the playouts of my own self-delusions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent of the abuse created in the world through shoddy regard for taking care of my thoughts/words/deeds.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how creation works in the big and the small - and how things always start as the very small - the seed - and from here it's a matter of attention and regard, nourishment and care - and as the support is given the thing grows. I realize the same is also true for creation that is less than balanced....where the instability is fed...the point of conflict and contention expands and grows.
I realize it's my personal responsibility to hold myself accountable in body, being and mind.
I realize it's an ongoing process of refinement...fine tuning as I account for all the different little programs and patterns I've been allowing to operate within my mind software. I realize me the Being here is the DJ for my mind software - and that it is paramount to question and investigate the scope of my operating software.
When and as I see myself beginning to go into a judgement and comparison where I deliberately prop myself up at the expense of pushing others down in framing a perspective - I stop and breathe - I realize that this is unacceptable behavior and contributes to a world of strife, struggle and heinous abuse. I commit myself to align myself in and as my thought, word and deed as 'equal and one' here.
I realize that every moment I am able to stop myself and make a self-corrective play - I help myself and so the world - bit by bit. I realize this is what it means and this is where it starts with, becoming the change you wish to see in the world.
When and as I see myself demeaning and putting others down as a way to prop myself up - I stop and I breathe -I realize the self-delusion character here - I do not react to the character play out here - I take responsibility for the moment to share the best support as I see fit. I ask myself what are the best care taking words of support I can gift myself. I commit myself to making the self-correction in the moment - I realize and understand my capacity to change quickly in one moment as I realize something about myself that I didn't previously fully comprehend. I realize the moment is always here as change - and that as I allow myself to embrace the moment as change - I live my change in the world - from moment to moment as the subtleness of change always here - Constant and Consistent.
I commit myself to giving myself the best care. I realize this involves helping myself and asking for help when I realize I am struggling to help myself within a point. I realize there's no shame in asking for help and that to not ask for help when you really need some help is shameful in and of itself - because it's like not giving yourself access to the water here....when the water is here and you need help getting hooked up.
I commit myself to hooking myself up with the best care taking support. I commit myself to working with others as an extension and outflow as how I keep on helping and caring for myself.
I commit myself to learning from the experience of others.
I commit myself to bringing people together and uniting groups of people - rather than perpetuate a high/low mentality of demeaning and berating people and groups of people. I realize it's to connect through our difference and similarities, that this is what makes creative collaboration an incredible support to channel our new potentials through into actuality here.
To Be Continued
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