Once upon a time, I was 23 years old and just walked out of an empty Ocean Beach bar in San Diego. I had knocked back a couple of tall Sculpins while watching the HDTVs flicker with their sports games. I had initially gone in there to get away from the family that was visiting, frustrated with their incessant bickering and complaining as they overran my tiny apartment. My father, younger brother and sister, and the family dog made their way down from the bay area to help me gather my things as I was moving back home after completing a two year program. I was beyond thrilled to retreat back to familiarity. Back to a smaller town. It's overwhelming being isolated among so many millions of other humans and not having the sense of belonging, of community. See, I didn't exactly come here with the goal of making friends. I didn't even exactly think I was coming for the program itself. I was running away. I was desperate to escape the town that I had begun to feel trapped in, felt suffocated by. I wasn't going to let myself be one of those people that is demonized as in popular media, of being the one who couldn't get out.
The sun was harsh as I emerged from the relatively dark bar. I almost felt as if I had stood up too fast and gotten that head rush which nearly makes you faint. I made my way towards the beach, only a block or so further. The crashing waves were already audible, and there were plenty of people out and about this afternoon. I didn't want to take my shoes off or walk in the sand. I hate sand. I hate the feeling of it sticking to my skin. I hate that it gets tracked everywhere and can compromise your footing. It puts me on edge. I know it's weird, but even Darth Vader agrees with me.
When I found myself sitting on a concrete barrier between the street and the shore, I delved deeper into my existential dilemma. Now that I had a picturesque view of the ocean, in all it's vibrant majesty, I could think again. You see, part of my traumatic escape from the familiar world I once despised, was something most people believe they couldn't survive without. It was just,