Packing bags, leaving books behind, leaving dreams, friends, places, things. And... us?
I never thought I'd live something like this in my life, I have left and people have left me, but it was always something different. They always leave when they can't handle it anymore, when they can't seem to wrap their minds and hearts around staying any longer with me. I become too much, too many people, something heavy to lift, and they just go.
They've never left in the middle of the dance, though. They've never left when the movie starts. They've never left when it was just starting to be something out of nothing. They've never left because they had to.
Yes, I know.
There's no need for you to tell me. I know you're not usually like this.
All crumbling smiles, all living in your bed because you can't seem to get up and be outside.
I can see the signs, I recognize them all. I come from a place where losing yourself inside your head seems like a normal thing to do. I can tell that you're tired of the world, I can see it in your eyes, there's no need for you to tell me. But I thought things would be different. I wanted to make you feel like you were home, even if it was for a little while.
Guess we can't be homes for people who don't want to live inside just yet.
I thought I had arrived, I thought I had it all figured out the second I saw your eyes. That first glance at them had me feeling butterflies in places where I thought I had only dust and cobwebs, where I felt naked and empty. You sparked up a flame inside me I had no idea would burn again, and the way you grabbed me by the waist only made it clearer that I wanted you to hold me in the middle of this mess.
I thought that was it, my search was finally over, your arms seemed like the perfect thing to be wrapped around my body in the middle of cold places, your hands grazed my skin so gently I swore I felt it in my soul. I had no doubts about it, it was you, I wanted to fight for this, I wanted to be patient for this, I wanted this.
But sadly...
I met you at a very strange time in your life.
Love has never seemed to stay too long around me. It keeps going places close to me, but never staying inside for too long.
The love I get, is a cat.
It comes, it lets me play with it, it lets me feed it and pet it, but as soon as I think it's gonna stay forever, it just leaves. I can't never seem to find a way to make it stay for longer, no matter what I do, no matter what I say, there's always a mistake, there's always something wrong.
I've begun to think that love and cats are not my thing. They both go whenever I need them the most.
Now all I have left to do is pretend, keep smiling knowing that I might be losing something good, the cat that I wanted to have for as long as I could, the love I wanted to nurture and see bloom.
What a strange time to be around you, isn't it?
I met you at a very strange time in your life.