We all have exes. Okay! That might be me generalizing but then; a majority of us have exes. We are so happy we broke up with some of these exes and we do not plan talking to them ever but there are still some that we still wish to get back with if the situation was right.
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Not every breakup is a result of both partners loathing each other. Some break ups are just due to circumstances beyond our control like genotype, parental interference, tribe and even religion. If all situations were to change, there is no reason you shouldn't come back together but today I am talking about a break up that happened because one of the partners was a serial cheat, drunk, a chronic smoker or perhaps a girlfriend beater etc.
Now if you fall within these categories, then why would you want to go back to your vomit?
Getting back with an ex isn't easy. You broke up for a reason, there is a chance that you could both fall back into old habits that just didn't work when you were dating. What broke you up in the first place will break you up again.
WHY DO PEOPLE DESIRE TO GET BACK WITH AN EX?
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It is very normal to want or desire to get back with an ex because of so many uncertainties that comes with a new relationship.
The ex was at one time the best thing in your life: yes, this person was at one time the best thing that is in our life but that is in the past. It is gone. There is another best thing out there waiting for you. When we try hard and it seems difficult finding someone else, the mind plays its game of bringing to your memory, all the wonderful moments and then the craving to be back together.
Getting back with an ex seems like an easy option: They say the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know and so you would rather want to stick with the devil. It is better to be temporarily alone and hurting in order to find your ideal partner later on than get yourself stucked on the same old relationship that has no potential.
We believe we still mean something to them: sometimes, a break up affects our self esteem and then we try to see if we can get back with our ex just to prove we still have control over them. I'm sorry sweetheart; this is a recipe for disaster. If you find yourself wondering if you are still worthy of them and their attention or you find yourself telling a friend that you think you can win their heart, please work on your self esteem. When someone wants to walk out of your life, have enough self-respect to hold the door open for them.
Jealousy: we cannot bear the thought of our ex being happy in another relationship. This has nothing to do with love but has everything to do with control and manipulation. Guys most times are the guilty party here. There is something irresistibly attractive about one's ex once he or she has moved on.
Now permit me to tell you why you should never give back to your ex.
There was a reason why it didn't work the first time. Something went wrong the last time. Magic won't help you now. Whatever caused the break up in the first place is most likely going to cause a second break up.
The break up happened. Yes, you broke up before and no matter how promising this make up may seem, the break up will keep plaguing your mind. It happens and you won't forget it and so it seems like you can see the doomsday but you just don't know when. It is hard to come back from that. Why torment yourself and live in fear of possibility of another break up.
Lack of trust: the trust was broken the moment the break up happened. Coming back together, do not forget so many water has passed under the bridge. There will be lots of questions and doubts. What happened while we were apart was there someone else? Jealousy creeps in and thats a whole lot to deal with.
The love will never be 100%. One of you made that difficult decision to break up and now you want to stick together again. The mind cant be changed aseasily like that. The chemistry you once had will not be 100%. What you felt while you were apart was just as a result of distance. These feelings go away once you start spending time together and then you start wondering how did it get here.
There are better options: the world is a big place full of people. There are more and more people for you to potentially fall in love with so why settle for less? You’ve been there, please move on. Yes time has passed and both of you have probably realised your mistakes and are willing to make it work this time around. Getting back with an ex requires more work and dedication than starting a new relationship.
I am not kicking against giving your ex a second chance but let it be a second chance at staying friends and remaining just friends.
If you still insist on getting back with your ex, ask yourself these questions;
Why did we break up?
Can both of you discuss what went wrong the last time?
Are both of you willing to compromise?
Is there a positive change of attitude since the break up?
Has the issue that caused the break up been remedied?
Will coming back together bring out the best in you?
What makes this second chance different?
Why do you want to come back together?
CONCLUSION
If you want a new, different, better life dont go looking for it in your past!!!