I don't know why, but my nature is to tend people. (actually I do know why, but that's for a different post.) That's right, to tend...like make sure they are happy, see if they need anything, ensure comfort, and to prevent or ease discomfort. This sounds lovely, right? And I suppose it is in many ways, but it can get out of balance such that I end up unconsciously feeling responsible for the experiences of everyone around me.
Realizing this habit of mine I declared my intention for the month of July to be:
To hold space for folks and let them have their own experiences.
In other words to not intercede and try to fix everything and get wrapped up in feeling their pain and resistance, but instead to stand by as a friend, steady and stable, with love and compassion and let them process their way through their own struggles.
Earlier this week my sweet SIL began attending my favorite yoga class. She hasn't been practicing yoga much lately and this is a challenging class. I was there in class with her on her 1st day and over all she seemed comfortable. But, I thought I could sense her feeling challenged a few times. This should be expected, because this is a hard ass class!! In the past I would have started making assumptions about what's going on in her head and looking for anything that I could blame myself for. Just crazy shit like:
this class is too hard for her and now her discomfort is my fault, because I encouraged her to come. Oh no, she's taking a child pose! Of course that's what we encourage students to do if they need a break, but I'm afraid this child's pose means she is miserable. I want her to like this class, but I'm worried she hates it. She just can't wait for it to be over and is never coming back! Oh great...the instructor just called out a REALLY challenging arm balance that I love, but I don't want to make SIL feel badly if she can't do it so I will just hold back and skip it...blah blah.
Yes, listening to the committee in charge of blame and worry inside of my head gets very tiresome. 😫
But all those thoughts like that, which normally would have been triggered by SIL's challenging moments...didn't happen this time!! I actually practiced my intention for this month and Held space. I maintained mental steadiness and ease instead of dropping in to the old habit of worry and blaming myself and trying to think of how I could change/fix the situation. Aka resisting. I even put my full effort into those hardest of arm balance poses.
Glimpses of bliss! 😊💗🙏🏽
Talked to my sweet SIL after class, and she didn't hate it! She came back for another class later in the week...and she is now even signed up for 2 more next week.
Breathe. Hold space. Let others have their own experiences. This is a big part of my practice right now.
Namaste 🙏🏽