My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added some fruit and orange juice—now she’s sangria than ever.

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said... You know, just one would have been enough.

"[John 9:12] And God said to John 'Come forth and receive eternal glory...'" But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday.. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

My mum used to say that the best way to a man's heart was through his stomach... She was a good woman... Terrible surgeon though.

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry... I'll return.

Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver. Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...