So many things on my mind that I wanted to share with Steemit today, yet my heart is on fire with a particular story. One that began in my mid teens and that led well into adulthood...

![20170705_210309.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXLs3DeftUhcCNKfrNwhxNS195x4XQcG4ST4a5S9hg9XD/20170705_210309.jpg) I dont even know where to begin. I usually dont sit and try to recall this particular time in my life, I'm usually just beyond grateful that the experience is over with and I can go on avoiding it. But I know better than to think that avoidance ever works for too long. Something burns inside of me. Like as if its not over. Its still controlling my life in ways I dont even allow myself to see. What am I so afraid of??... ![38253a022992017d0d1366b3825d26b6.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXoUiTzxn16TsFFwgsXUFzvnL2Q75JhZtSVubS4BcAgYb/38253a022992017d0d1366b3825d26b6.jpg)

What im talking about is something so common and so quiet and shunned...

Im talking about eating disorders. It was some of the most mentally painful times of my life, filled with suffering and so much self hatred. But it did totally help the facade in the life I was portraying. I have been shying away from the topic of eating disorders. Not even thinking about it, yet alone talking to others about it. I felt that its been none of anyones business. But truth be told what I really have been worried about, is their judgments and thoughts on the matter. I've been wanting to share that part of myself, but never knew the "appropriate" time. Or didnt know which outlet to share it to. Even thought that my story didnt matter... that a lot of people go through this, so who am I to bring this up? I was always making up some kind of excuses to avoid telling others about this part of myself. Until today. Today my heart was leaping out of my chest wanting my story to be heard. Because I know that I matter! And YOU matter!! "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha It breaks my heart knowing that there are so many other humans out there who have been suffering for years upon years feeling like there is no way out...

Guess what?

There is ALWAYS a way out. There is always a light if you choose to see it. The suffering can be ended at any moment; but one must decide for themselves that they want to choose something different. Something that they truly desire instead of the reality they have been living and accepting as fate. The first step is NOW. To be in the present moment with one self and acknowledge the dis-ease, with compassion and without any judgment. Loving yourself is key. Be ok and aware of where you're at, and allow the transformation to begin! Because you are so fucking worthy, and you deserve to have a truly HAPPY, easy, fulfilling life, one without dis-ease controlling it. “In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.” – Abraham Maslow ![635964065222659583471788098_crossroads_mobile_640.jpg__640x360_q85_crop.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmQ73mB84s5Lodbz1Eh5nMM6tzANs9nn1jEEKK9y1AZiA6/635964065222659583471788098_crossroads_mobile_640.jpg__640x360_q85_crop.jpg)

I feel the need to speak up about this.

As someone who has empowered herself over years of self abuse, (psychological and physical), there needs to be more voices of truth. Voices that believe life CAN be different. This is some heavy shit, I know. But I want to commit to myself to continue posting here daily. And this felt unavoidable for me. This is healing for me and opening so much more space in my life. And if you are going through or have gone through some kind of eating disorder and havent totally gotten over it (mentally and or physically) I just wanna let you know, that it gets easier. I swear. You are so fucking worthy to be free from your inner shackles and to enjoy the life of your dreams! -N