A strange mixture of happiness and sadness invades me every time I see another friend leave, years of experiences, laughs, rages, play, learn and grow, no longer know how many friends I have said goodbye, families separated by a better tomorrow and is That, what promising future can offer young people Venezuela ?, corruption, delinquency, lack of supply and many innumerable things that affect us, not even a decent education, since good universities are always unemployed by the situation of the country ...

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Because happiness?

Although all my life I had thoughts like "I want to die in my country", "I will always be with my family", "I will have many stores", "I will have a beautiful house" and many other things that today are nothing but broken dreams , I feel happy for those who have succeeded in leaving, some with support where they arrive, others more brave who undertake the trip alone, but have succeeded and are successful, all this with a normal salary, I have friends who tell me " I am furnishing my house, "others who tell me" there is a lot of hatred towards the Venezuelans ", but the curious thing is, nobody tells me I would like to go back,

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Why?

It is fair to want to form a family, which is impossible, ok there are women who are bold and decide for one reason or another to be mothers, but I confess, at 22 I would like to be a mom, but I have a saying "if I can not I can not keep a baby, "as I could keep when the basic basket is at 990,918.92 bolívares, price equivalent to 15 minimum wages and this figure is from last month probably probably already a million, then If the figures do not give or for basic expenses, like I can keep a baby or furnish a house or become independent, tell me if there is a magic formula because I do not know. So with an open mouth on the economic field, if you went, would you like to go back ?, you could deal in another country with loneliness, xenophobia, discrimination, things that in our country are practically nonexistent. In spite of that, you know that they have to migrate, OPPORTUNITIES, independence, a salary that is worth, etc.

I've changed my mind.

Before I was the one who thought, "you have to fight for the country", "Never leave Venezuela", "Coward those who flee", but tell me, How do I keep my ideals? Something so precious for me, the ideals are those that forge your character your personality, one of the most difficult things I have faced is to see so many with my own ideals die, I feel pain to see news, I am a very sentimental person and do not have Idea how much it affects me to see dying every day to another I call like I, one that said "must fight for Venezuela".

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Sorry.

I am a coward but I am afraid to die in a march or demonstration defending my patriotism, when I was not one that went with the flag to take me a selfie, was the one that carried his bag, his respective sweater, to cover my face And the mouth, came with vinegar, maalox, with water with food without cedula .... I never threw stones because my intention was not to hurt anyone, but if they were organized everyone always knew that I could help them, they always came, give me Water!

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Thank you for reading my morning of confession, I woke up something sad missing my friends and family, this was my way to drain it.

I hope you have a beautiful and happy day.

With Love Carla Gonzalez - Venezuela.