Where to start...

![o-FAKE-SMILE-facebook-1024x512.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmS9Ji6BVx5Q5fBXkf4nzJdiTMwaxkJLF6X4tZ41xMSQMu/o-FAKE-SMILE-facebook-1024x512.jpg) It shouldn't take me 20 minutes to figure out how to open this post, but, it has. So I'll start by saying this - I don't know what I'm doing. When I was introduced to crypto a few months back, I really thought I could change my life for the better. I started steemit with high hopes for the future. ![clipart-bars-dividers-5.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSdHyuvAUrYi4iSdFig1ZGL8XwNqXQ1CqC1vZYHb4hV8F/clipart-bars-dividers-5.png)

I had nothing going for me except university,

but I already knew after one year of attending, that it was not the life I wanted for myself. So I decided I would take this coming semester off, to continue investing in crypto and hopefully finding some kind of opportunities in this space. This obviously didn't sit well with my family. They asked what I was going to do, and I explained what I've been doing here in the crypto space and with Bitcoin. As to be expected, they had their doubts, and they teased me, and they tried to convince me otherwise. And for a while, I thought they were wrong. I really thought I could jumpstart my life with crypto and use it to branch into other areas like the stock market, and real estate. Generate some passive income for myself so I could live wherever I want and be able to find out what I want to do in life, without the pressure of not having the financial backing to do so. ![clipart-bars-dividers-5.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSdHyuvAUrYi4iSdFig1ZGL8XwNqXQ1CqC1vZYHb4hV8F/clipart-bars-dividers-5.png)

Well,

after being in crypto for a few months and physically having little to show for it, other than a few wallets that have some coins with some value.... I've realized that the life I'm trying to live isn't possible. It's just a dream. It's embarrassing, but It's true. I have no reason to lie about things anymore. I've hit my lowest point in life emotionally, and it sucks to say it. I saw crypto and blockchain as a godsend, and I *literally* put everything on the line in hopes I could improve my life and the lives of my loved ones. I stopped spending money. I literally put every single dollar I earned from my part-time job into crypto for months, living off of as little as $20 a week and whatever else I could scrape up. I stopped hanging out with friends and family because I needed to be at my computer at all times in order to make trades. I recently stopped exercising and caring about myself. I stopped caring about everything except for that chance to make something of my life. 6 months later, I have more money than I ever had in my life, while simultaneously losing the things I loved and cared about. It seems like they've stopped caring about me too. ![clipart-bars-dividers-5.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSdHyuvAUrYi4iSdFig1ZGL8XwNqXQ1CqC1vZYHb4hV8F/clipart-bars-dividers-5.png)

I've hit a dead end.

I don't know how much longer I can live like this; chasing this crypto dream that everyone else seems to be living. Nobody supports me in this, but I've pushed through the doubt and still put everything on the line for this. Additionally, I had promised my Mom that I would take care of us using the funds I made from crypto. Well, it was all put to the test once I was basically forced to withdraw my funds in order to live up to my promises. Long story short; markets are down so my portfolio has low value, a series of unfortunate events occur and funds must be withdrawn, and voilà, back to square one. And now I sit here, wondering why I thought things could work out. Wondering what the fuck I was thinking. ![clipart-bars-dividers-5.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSdHyuvAUrYi4iSdFig1ZGL8XwNqXQ1CqC1vZYHb4hV8F/clipart-bars-dividers-5.png)

Losing the money isn't what hurts,

I was fully aware what I was putting my money towards. What hurts is all the plans, and dreams, and expectations that I had churned up..... gone in the blink of an eye. Maybe I should have listened to people, and gone back to school. Maybe I should have invested into better things so I could generate money faster. Maybe I had set my hopes too high. Whatever the case, I'm not sure what will happen next. I have made promises here on steemit which I will uphold, but once I act on those promises and pay back the people I owe money, I'm not sure what I will do. I'm tired of pretending like I'm some kind of impenetrable superhuman who never feels emotion, and can overcome any obstacle with ease. I'm in over my head.... and I just needed to admit that to myself. ![clipart-bars-dividers-5.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSdHyuvAUrYi4iSdFig1ZGL8XwNqXQ1CqC1vZYHb4hV8F/clipart-bars-dividers-5.png)

Just felt like venting.

I don't really have anyone to vent to anymore.... I lost them chasing my crypto dreams.