“God, would you stop looking at me like I’m a pubic hair on your bar of soap?” she cried, daggers shooting. “I can’t believe the stuff you say, sometimes. Can’t you just apologize?” I glowered and replied,

A poem for the ladies I'm about to date this week, I'm a romantic bloke. You’re out there somewhere. So sweet at first, concealing your crazy side. Your nuanced brand of bat shit. I’ll feel like a million

When lava creeps around you on the Big Island of Hawaii... enjoy and aloha! With explosions in the not-so-far distance, a streaming orange mass of molten rock creeping across the land, Anita wasn’t thinking

Here's a comedic satire which touches on the difference between matters of the body and matters heart when it aches for another. “Just lower your standards,” Cutter advised. “I’m sick of you looking all

In 2005, when I woke up paralyzed on Oahu, they had me doped up on opiates, and asked, "So, for long term pain management, would you like morphine, oxycontin, or methadone?" As my lower half

If every American had their own nuclear weapon, just a little pack for home protection, no one would have to worry about crime anymore. Our founding fathers could only imagine muskets and wimpy little

Jesus is locked in a cell with an enormous cell mate, but he's a gentle giant and relays a story which seems too fantastical to be anything but fiction. But was it? I hope you enjoy chapter five, and Aloha

After arresting Jesus for a dine and dash, the Spokane Police department wanted the truth. You said no strings could secure you at the station. --Eric Clapton Part 4 The Bribe With the windows up in the

When your dinner host splits without paying for the bill, and you're penniless... Enjoy Steemians! Aloha from the Big Island, and check part 1 & 2 for continuity or jump right in. I'm about to find

Presenting a 3 page science fiction short about what not to do on a date. Enjoy, and aloha from the Big Island. Love you Steemians! “Hi.” “Hi.” “How are you doing?” “Just peachy, but why are you yelling?

There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. --Walter Morrow Part 2 Free Lunch “What are my options?” I asked. “I’m sure it’s all good, but I just want to make sure.” “Anything you like, now don’t you worry

Part one is a thirteen pager, mostly dialogue that took place in the Spokane County jail, where I was housed for being Jesus. And saying as much, but we'll get to all that. This is a true story, one I

Presenting a scifi 9 pager I concocted after being followed by a drone. It was hovering above me as I handcycled up my neighborhood’s main avenue. It felt invasive, and I thought about invasion. Here’s

Arriving at the threshhold of human potential, living with one's consciousness attuned to Source, is all rather simple. First, you must stay away from meat eaters, alcohol drinkers, negativity dwellers,

A moment to fanboy, I must pass this on. Out of sheer admiration. In October 2017, Courtney Dauwalter ran an ultra marathon, a 238 mile race through the Moab Desert. Not only did she win the race, running

Aloha fellow Steemians! A little about me, I'm on the Big Island of Hawaii, paralyzed from the waist down after falling out of a coconut tree in 2005. I might be severed from T-7 down, but I'm a glass

A satirical short fiction based off of friends in my quirky little community. I'm so thankful to have Steemit as an outlet, and thank you for reading. Enjoy, and aloha! As the bus stopped in front of the