I had this argument with a friend. It started like this: “Do women find muscular men attractive?” He said yes. I said no. He said, “Let’s ask them.”

I said "Don't bother." I did a quick google search and showed him this study.

“But,” I quickly added, “I wouldn’t care even if the study pointed in the other direction.”

“Why?”

“It doesn’t matter what women say, because…”

Women have already voted with their vaginas

According to most research, chimps are, pound for pound, at least twice as strong as a human.

In other words, the likely outcome in a fight between a chimp and a man would be something like this:

And these are just chimps we’re talking about, not gorillas.

So, the question begs itself, why are humans so pathetically weak compared to other mammals, if our female ancestors chose to selectively favor strength and muscles?

Well, those of our ancestors who did choose strength, did become chimps and gorillas. But our ancestors chose something different: they chose smarts.

Why? Well, we all know who’d really win in a fight between any mammal and a human, don’t we? If you don’t, just keep meditating on this picture of the great equalizer until you do:

My friend insisted. “You really mean to tell me that you think women would prefer to sleep with Bill Gates than with Thor?” (both of us can never remember the actor’s name; and I’m willing to bet more women would recognize the name 'Bill Gates' than whatever Thor’s real name is — and that’s already telling us something).

I said, “That’s not even really an option—”

“Exactly!”

“—because men who look like Thor don’t even exist.”

“What?! Man, let me show you a picture of him. Here, look!”

“No, you’re wrong…”

That kind of body doesn't exist in nature

In my more innocent years, if I was asked whether Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s body is real (i.e. natural), I would very innocently have replied “I’ve no idea”. Now, that reply boggles my mind: if that body was real, it would behoove NASA to capture “The Rock” and study him – it would save them millions of dollars wasted looking for aliens out there, when they’re right here.

My personal experience is that I can only add 500 grams (~1 pound) of lean muscle per month, doing heavy weights and following proper nutrition. Maybe I’d be able to add 2 pounds per month (~1 kilo) if I was in my peak testosterone-producing years. And even then, I wouldn't look half like "The Rock" even if I had 20 years of training on my back.

Here’s what a perfectly sculpted male body looks like after it’s been trained to its full potential, naturally:

And here’s the unflexed body of some random unfit dude, probably some effeminate rock star by the looks of him:

You can see there’s a world of difference between the two (or can you?), almost as much as the difference between a real dude and someone on steroids:

“What’s your point?” my friend insisted.

“My point is, if women really preferred brawns over brains, we wouldn’t have to bust our nuts all day at the gym just to gain a few grams of lean muscle, or cheat the process by injecting substances. Rather, we’d sit around on tree-branches munching on leaves all day long and be as strong as gorillas. Women—voted—with—their—p....”

Strong vs muscular

Everyday discussions being what they are, we had clumsily conflated strength with muscularity. But I, being a philosopher, was quick to point out the difference. After all, I didn’t get to over 75% correct prediction rate in MMA by betting on the fighter whose abs gave me the biggest boner.

My predictions and results on last week's fight night:

In fact, more often than not, I’ve noticed a chiseled body means a losing body.

My friend wasn't buying it. He kept asking, "But then how do you explain women's actual claims in real life?"

Well, I'll give my answer to that in the second part of this article!

Conclusion

Here's the take-home points:

Great strong bodies haven't been sexually selected for. We are among the weakest mammals in nature, pound for pound.

I’m not saying all females chose the brainy dude over the strong dude. Some chose the strong. They are called apes. They are our relatives. But they are not us. We chose brains.

Thanks gals!

* Note that, for the most part, the above are not stake-your-life-on-them arguments as they're usually found in philosophical discussions, but are rather more like the just-so stories found in biology.