出租车

有一天上出租车我都很尴尬我先说我就是以前每次都坐后面因为不喜欢跟司机说太多话呢喜欢歇一会儿然后我发现这样也不是很好每次上出租车也可以把他当中文老师这个可能不要学会人家口音为了跟他说话一样可是我经常会问一下他们是哪里人如果我觉得人家口音很重的话问一下他哪里人我也可以慢慢的更理解这些对不对？

One day in the cab was so embarrassing I first said that I was sitting in the back before each time because I do not like to talk too much with the driver. Then I realized this is not very good either. Every time I get a taxi it can also be a Chinese teacher. This is not for learning people’s accents, but I often ask where people are from because if they have a strong accent and I know where they are from, I can slowly learn more about regional accents of Mandarin.

那天我坐前面我坐司机的旁边夏天我穿的短裤这个司机好奇怪我不知道他咋回事他就一直说我的毛一直特么说外国人的毛说我腿上的毛说我胳膊上的毛还问我是不是有胸毛问我肚子上有没有毛一直说很性感说了好几次这个人真是神经病我觉得他怎么会这么傻逼的一直问我这些他真的说性感了他这哥们儿是不是同性恋的？

That day I sat in the front next to the driver. It was summer so I was wearing shorts. This driver was fucking weird. I am not really sure what his deal was. He kept talking about my body hair. He just kept going on and on about foreigners and how we have so much body hair. He was talking about my leg hair... my arm hair. He asked me if I have chest hair. He asked me if I have hair on my stomach. He kept saying it was so sexy to have so much body hair. He said that a lot. This dude was a creepy lurko fuck boy. Why the fuck was he asking me all this bull shit? He really said the word “sexy” multiple times. I am not sure if he was maybe just actually homosexual and into me.

那天我又开始不要坐前面的我以后就要坐后面那个位置那个最好其实做安全的位置也是后左的那个所以为以后就坐后面的这样可以跟人家聊天他也看不到我是老外有时候打滴滴人家来接我来电话： “没看见你就看到你一个老外”“老外就是我”“哦我还以为你是中国人”

That day I started boycotted sitting in the front again. I will just siti n the back from now on. It is the best spot. In fact the sitting in the back left seat is the safest seat there is. I will just sit in the back from now on. This way I can just sat with him, and he can’t even see that I’m a non-Chinese. Sometimes WhenI call the Didi (Uber) guy he will call me on the phone and be like: “I don’t see you. I just see some non-Chinese foreigner dude.”“That non-Chinese foreigner dude is me.”“Oh. I thought you were Chinese.”

还有另外一次我坐一辆出租车了我知道我从我上车那个位置到家的价应该是35左右最高最高就40如果堵车什么的然后那晚我跟一些哥们儿喝酒了我自己一个人回家了我上的车就是真正的出租车可是人家挑的那表我们我家的楼下就93块钱我当时觉得卧槽这傻逼想干嘛觉得可以坑老外是吗拉倒吧然后我发现我也不想跟他闹什么

There was also another time that I took a cab. I knew that it cost around 35 yuan to get back to my crib from where I was at. It would be 40 at the max if there was heavy traffic. That night I was drinking with some buddies of mine. I ended up going back home alone in a cab. The cab I got was a legitimate real definitely not a fake, random car. A cab cab. He must have rigged the meter. When I got to my apartment it was 93 yuan. I saw that and literally was just thinking: What the fuck? What is this idiot doing? He just think he can screw me over because I’m some noob foreigner. Fuck that. Then I realized I didn’t really want to start shit with him.

当时我也是喝点了可是我就知道这个司机是个傻逼靠还要坑我的那么多钱差几十块钱可以特么到机场我就觉得拉倒吧然后我跟人家说你这么这样就想骗我我一分钱也不给你然后我立刻的下车跑我就跑了很远然后我看他也下车拿了棒球棒然后我就跑了跑了更远他也没办法追我我知道了我知道他需要看车了所以我跑了绕了一圈回来家的楼下上楼确认没发现上去关门睡觉了哈哈哈

At that time I had a little bit to drink. I just thought that this dude was such a fucking asshole. Fuck. He wanted to cheat me out of so much money. 20-30 more yuan, and I could have paid for a ride to the airport. I thought: fuck this dude. I told him, “You just think you are going to fuck me over like this? I am not giving you a dime mothafucka!” And then I immediately dipped out of the car and ran. I ran a pretty good distance away from him and the car. I saw him get out of the car and reach in to pull out a baseball bat. At this point I just ran and ran away. There was no way he was going to be able to catch me. I knew that for a fact. I knew that he had to watch his whip. So I just ran a circle around the block and came back and ran up to the crib shut the door and locked in. Then I went to sleep.