Trump Gives Intelligence Agencies Their Daily Briefing Bloodied, Bruised John Kerry Emerges Victorious At Kickboxing Tournament In Bangkok Prison SeaWorld Café Introduces New 5-Pound Orca Burger–Eating

Exhausted Bill Belichick Attempts To Wake Up By Splashing Some Blood On His Face Pajama-Clad Child Makes Turbulent Rampage Through Dinner Party Corn Added To List Of Items That Upset Grandma’s Stomach

Supreme Court Releases Young Scalia’s Audition Tape Government Admits It Was Only Behind Destruction Of North Tower HR Director Reminds Employees That Any Crying Done At Office Must Be Work-Related Woman’s

Girlfriend Overdoses On Lotion Study: This Descended From Wolves Seahawks To Seattle Fans: ‘Shut The Fuck Up’ Pilot Tells Passengers He’s About To Try Something Mom Just Called To Say Hi And That She’s

New ‘Avengers’ Fan Theory Suggests Key To Beating Thanos Could Be Nothing Because He Not Real And None Of This Exists Leaked George Lucas Sex Tape Includes Digitally Inserted Footage Of Jabba The Hutt

Tony Romo Realizes He Should Have Used Ability To Read Defenses Back When He Was Still Playing Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water Nike Fires 8-Year-Old

The last 10 years have been a period of dramatic evolution in video games. From revolutions in interactive storytelling (remember a time when “walking simulator” and “Souls” weren’t genres?) to significant

Please, Just Make It Stop EVERYWHERE—Claiming that they just couldn’t stand this bullshit anymore, Americans across the country confirmed Friday that someone, anyone needs to please, just make it stop.

CAROL STREAM, IL—In a scathing opinion piece published Thursday by Christianity Today, the evangelical magazine’s editor-in-chief Mark Galli made the case for President Trump’s removal from the Holy Trinity.

NEW RICHMOND, EV — In response to the attention she was receiving for her vocal objections to international leaders’ refusal to address global warming, critics in the 2030s asked why teen climate activist

NEW YORK — Straining their eyes from the opposite wall of the gallery, the nation finally stood far enough away from one of Jackson Pollock’s artworks to realize it is actually a realistic still life painting

We're not sure whose foot it is, but customers say the shoe is in surprisingly good condition for such a low price! A Goodwill employee says, "This shoe is really great-condition. I'm sure you won't

SEATTLE — With the celebration rapidly burning through the diminishing supply of cash that has kept the local business solvent, sources confirmed Wednesday the holiday party of Simmons Analytics has moved

MARTINSBURG, MD — Noting that most rooms of her home are now effectively off-limits to her, the family of local grandmother Edith Wilson confirmed this week that the 84-year-old is down to a 10-step radius

What a joyous occasion. Only reviled by the newly announced chicken-sliders White Castle is now offering for a limited time! America's Finest News Source Article Link TheOnion.com @TheOnion

Twitter recently announced a ban on political advertising, adding fuel to the debate of whether social media should allow campaign ads and how claims made in those ads might be regulated. The Onion looks

ANSBACH, MITTELFRANKEN — Expressing pride at all she had accomplished before even glimpsing the noonday sun, 127-year-old town hag Maelga Vitterbach admitted Wednesday that she was getting in a pretty

THE HEAVENS — Calling the years of the whirlwind romance amongst the greatest of His life, Supreme Being and Creator of All Things God recounted Wednesday the torrid affair with 16th-century Italian artist

Get ready to feel inspired, because the story currently unfolding at the Main Street Shopping Centre in Holbrook, NY proves just how resilient the human spirit can be: Mom is currently telling the CVS

WASHINGTON — Touting his impressive record of serving on the board of a notable natural gas company, President Donald Trump offered Hunter Biden a job in the U.S. Department of Energy Monday based on his