Often, as a person gets older and has more experiences, he or she finds that they are falling in love less and less – without knowing why. Sound familiar? Here are 10 reasons why you might not be falling in love the way you used to:

1. Instant gratificationWe live in a society that has trained us to expect instant gratification – we feel that the world owes us whatever we want right here, right now. However, falling in love takes time and patience. Something that comes easily is usually poor quality.

2. Emotional unavailabilityYou prefer not to share your deep rooted feelings with others – perhaps you are scared of putting yourself in a position of vulnerability. You hide your feelings in order to appear more confident and successful. This type of behavior hinders falling in love. When you cannot share your true self with another, the sacred place of deep intimacy, trust and sharing cannot be accessed.

3. Commitment-phobiaThere are lots of possible reasons that a person is wary of commitment – maybe they were hurt in the past, or perhaps they’ve been programmed to always look for “something better.” If you find that you are on a never-ending search for someone better-looking or more appealing than the person you find yourself with at any given moment, there might be a problem. With this behavior you run the risk of letting great individuals get away. Learn to focus on the here & now rather than think about what you could “theoretically” find in the future. Life is short.

4. EgoThere’s nothing wrong with caring about your needs and your own wellbeing. However, part of being ripe for a relationship is to be open to care about another person’s needs and desires. There is a happy balance.

5. Mistaken identityDo you REALLY want to fall in love? Do you REALLY want a relationship? Many people walk around under the false impression that all they really want is a loving committed relationship. Yet, whenever they stand at the doorway of one, they break up. Sometimes we don’t realize that actually, we prefer to be single, date around, and refrain from long-term commitment for now. And that’s completely okay.

6. No compromiseYou have a very specific laundry list of all the things your future partner MUST have. And you’re not willing to budge. This type of thinking is extremely unhelpful when it comes to dating. What’s more, it’s totally unrealistic. The reason you can’t find your perfect match is because he or she might not even exist. Nobody is perfect. We all have faults. Instead of obsessing over the qualities you want your partner to have, focus on the good qualities your partner DOES have.

7. Disney falloutWe all grew up on a healthy diet of Disney movies. However, life is not a fairy tale. Don’t expect your story to look like a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan. Falling in love and more so, relationships, are extremely messy and complicated. But that’s just part of the whole experience.

8. PerfectionThere is no perfection on earth. Even nature has self-destructive elements in it. Stop expecting people or journeys, or yourself to be perfect. People make mistakes, and many times grow stronger because of them.

9. Goal-orientationWhile there’s nothing wrong with being focused on a successful career, that situation often leaves you neglectful of your soul and your need for love. You should find a balance and be sure to make time and emotional space for letting love into your life – the benefits are far greater than any sum of money or amount of “success.”