...not a midlife crisis

Is there a specific point in time, when we look back, that we can identify as a turning point? Is there a particular date or moment in our lives when we’ve ever been able to engage in that kind of self-reflection?

Recently, on the recommendation of my family doctor, I was referred to a psychologist.

In my nearly 48 years of life, although I’ve never denied the importance of professional personal counseling, it had never really occurred to me as a real option. I didn’t think I was depressed, or sad, or even unmotivated by anything in particular, nor did I have any other recurring unhealthy thoughts.

Yesterday, however, was the day I went to see a psychologist for the first time. I say this with a certain pride, because that first session, despite its short duration, revealed a possibility within me—that I could work through my difficulties and discover how, even just by describing them, we can look at things differently.

I was invited to talk a little about myself—about what had led me to seek counseling, what had happened, and how long these complaints or this problem had been developing. A few minutes later, the professional skillfully managed to draw out a few more associations with situations that I hadn’t been “seeing” until then.

Or if I was, I didn’t fully grasp its true significance.

The questions seemed very simple to me, in fact, and despite their simplicity, they brought to light some issues that I didn’t even think were related, revealing that they might be connected once they came to the surface.

A second session has already been scheduled, but I plan to revisit the conversation I had with the psychologist and grab a notebook so I can further elaborate on the ideas that have since emerged from them.

And we’re talking about events that may have taken place more than 40 years ago... Is 40 years enough time to completely change the way you view the situations in your life?

Is it really possible to forge a path on our own, with unresolved issues still tucked away in the drawers?

I look at this process that took place in my life just yesterday, and I see it as an opportunity to have the necessary tools to help me organize a little better the ideas and concepts I thought were already in the right place.

When we’re in our 20s or 30s, we look at people in their 40s or 50s and see them as older. It’s very easy, however, to believe that the most important things in life happen when we’re young.

We end up spending our youth searching for what we think will make us happy. Success, money, status, our relationships and friendships. We work intensely, thinking that in this way we are building the foundation or the bedrock of our happiness.

By the time we’re 30, some of us may even have a more stable job, but we’ve already seen a few things in our lives. We’ve already experienced some tough times, heartbreaks. And at that point, there’s a realization that we haven’t really planned anything or that we’re seeing the future in a clear and well-defined way.

The goals we thought were important up until then stop being that important after all. And the dreams we had up until then may not even resonate with our will or passion anymore. We end up questioning, in a way, the path we’ve taken so far. By the time we’re 40, life has tested us in ways we never thought we’d be tested.

Perhaps, for the first time in our lives, we are forced to confront our own mortality. We even begin to lose some of our loved ones—a parent, a coworker, or a close friend. Death then becomes a reality. It is no longer an abstract concept that will “happen” someday, but something that draws nearer with every passing second.

And at this stage, many people even refer to this age as a midlife crisis, but in truth, it is nothing more than the awakening of middle age.

At that point, we can take this opportunity to awaken as a way to let go of the masks we had felt compelled to wear until then, of ceaselessly seeking validation from others.

And sometimes, when we are in that darkness, we can more easily see the light. We can discern which path to follow, and where we should head to get closer to the light.

And all the urgency we felt in our 20s and 30s is now finally beginning to transform into a desire to take action and prioritize the things that are truly important—and that are good for us.

Alignment with our moral values and our core values ultimately becomes the central point and our “North Pole.”

The value we place on time from that point forward means that the time we spend on things or people that do not bring us health or happiness is more carefully calculated and used.