I am now but I was not back then.
Several times in my life someone has gathered enough balls to ask me if I’m on some illicit stimulating drug because of how I look and act. And every time the answer has been no, I have not even tried any drugs, nor was I even caffeneited back then!
When I do have energy and I’m ”ON” I imagine I look like I’ve done speed; I’m fidgety, my eyes are wild, I talk mile-a-minute and I’m in constant motion. It’s very nervous, unsustainable and actually dangerous energy. When I’m in that mood it’s very easy to make mistakes that can lead to actual bodily harm to myself by tripping or slamming into something.
It’s a very weird and somewhat unpleasant feeling to be in a state of nervous energy because it’s like I’m in fight-mode for no reason and just hope nothing bad actually happens.
Then why don’t you slow down!?
If I only could, I would. If I am in that crazy mood and I can’t expell it and have to sit still, it feels like I’m going to explode. Luckily I do manual labour so I can often hide the symptoms by just looking like I’m really hard-working, which I am.
I assume a lot of people get misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder if they display this kind of behavior, and of course you have to rule that out if you are getting diagnosed with ADHD. There are similaries but Bipolar is like ADHD symptoms times 1000 and each stage lasts longer.
As an adult you slowly learn how to cope and manage the excitable energy a bit and don’t look as wild on the outside at least. You also learn that while you don’t feel like eating and drinking, you actually do need fuel so you force feed yourself to help with the inevitable crash a few hours later.
Hopefully by that time you got the whole wall painted and not just halfway because when the crash happens you are done done and the project is on hold, indefinitely. Good luck picking that back up.
This is an unfiltered diary of anything and everything related to a personal ADHD journey. In true neurospicy fashion, the entries will shapeshift according to who-the-fuck-knows-what-and-when. Try to keep up.