"Jeremy has always been wise and with good intentions. If this move does not result in a resurgence of Labour popularity, that will also be the Jews' fault."
Islington North, September 21 - A former chairman of the United Kingdom's Labour Party modified a longstanding mantra today to render it more accurate in the wake of ongoing revelations about the prevalence of, and tolerance for, antisemitism in the party's ranks: instead of declaring that he has always spoken out against all antipathy for ethnic or faith groups, he will now assert that he has spoken out against antipathy for several groups, but by no means all.
MP Jeremy Corbyn, who still represents this constituency of Greater London in Parliament, announced the change today on a Facebook Group of supporters, at least a dozen of whom have faced specific allegations of antisemitic statements. "I think it prudent, in light of recent events, to shift to ne phraseology in explaining my positions," Corbyn wrote on Monday. "Henceforth I shall declare that I oppose, and have always opposed, bigotry in some of its forms."
"The new formulation," he continued, "will remove some of the distraction that has hindered our party in the public image, in that no longer will the hostile, Zionist-dominated press be able to seize on what it calls hypocrisy or double standards when it comes to antisemitism."
Corbyn stepped down as head of Labour following the Conservative Party's resounding victory last election cycle; Keir Starmer replaced him at the helm. The party's poor electoral showing stemmed in part from Corbyn's inability to convince the public that he and Labour took antisemitism seriously. Starmer represents a departure from Corbyn's avowed anti-Zionism and outward sympathy for oppressive dictatorships, but continues to face the party's legacy of harboring antisemites who dress their anti-Jewish sentiment in the transparent veil of opposition to Israeli policy.
Corbyn stalwarts remain divided on his move. "I'd have loved to see Jeremy stick to his guns, so to speak," stated Diane Abbott, who has faced antisemitism allegations as well. "The progressive creed is a creed of absolutes, and this smacks of compromise. But Jeremy has always been wise and with good intentions. If this move does not result in a resurgence of Labour popularity, that will also be the Jews' fault."
"I think it's grand," gushed former Mayor of London Ken Livingstone. "We've always seen the antisemites among us as crucial to our movement. Eliminate them and we gut our constituency. It's time we cease beating about the bush of Zionism or what have you, and stary saying it as it is, which is we only care about bigotry when doing so offers political advantages for our agenda."