This last week was pretty hard for me,when being a part of the »grown up« world, you kind of fall into the system of money-work circle, where sometimes you ask yourself, what the hell am I doing and is this a point of life? Having these mood swings lately is very exhausting and the easiest way sometimes would be to just hide under a rock. It takes a lot of will to show up and deal with daily tasks, people, clients, lack of inspiration, overthinking, fear.
Also, my grandma had an important surgery this week, a risky one, it was possible she maybe wouldn't survive. She is almost 80 and we were worried. I admired her courage, she was so brave, whole family kind of fall in despair, but she just said: »let's hope for the best«. I had a good feeling but it's hard for me to say »don't worry, you are strong and gonna be ok«, because if I can't ensure that 100%, it feels like I am sort of lying to another person. Still I did that, found some peace and positive attitude inside me, so I could radiate that on the outside as well.
I visited her today, after the surgery, we are so grateful, she is totally fine. My mind was occupied with: what does she think at that age, how is to deal with death question, what are her daily worries, her aspect of the world today, who is she in her soul at this moment. I noticed that she doesn't mind to express herself anymore, what she needs, not thinking so much about what others think, you know that saying – old people become more like children, YES! And I believe it is a good thing, no more people pleasing, worrying so much about everyday, just being yourself.
When I came back home, I realized, how time passes, how limited is our existence on the planet earth. How short is this stay, this opportunity to be here and share moments with our family, loved ones and also other people. Why are we mean to each other, why we hurt each other, why do so many horrible things happen every day in the world. I don't get it. We are all someone's child, brother, sister, spouse, friend, we are the same.
It reminded me of the only treasure we have – time. Why wouldn't we live it with more love & kindness oriented mind?
A while ago I started my personal "Project Things that count" (you can find it on my web). I created several small artworks with things that count in life. I plan to make a big mosaic wall one day, when I have room for it.
