I noticed that my computer was making a funny noise, kind of a whirring sound. It was running unusually slow too. I thought maybe I had some dust in there so I went to open it. When I looked under my desk I noticed that the carpet was wet with some kind of liquid.

After a bit of work, I was able to open the case and to my horror my computer's insides were a writing mass of quivering flesh. These lumps of meat were dotted with flashing lights, exposed and sparking wires.... it seemed to have several eyes!

I was on my way to a Departmental Head meeting so I didn't have much time to investigate further. When I returned from the meeting I discovered the computer case was empty.

Can you get me a new computer ASAP? Also, is this unholy union of quivering flesh and inorganic technology a new feature of the computers we were given in May? If so, am I suppose to feed it?

If not... we may want to seal off the vents to the Floor That Does Not Exist (between floors 22 and 24).

Sincerely,
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division

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