It's been a long, LONG time since I've posted anything. And, if you ask me, it's been with good reason.
You see...I've been struggling. Caught in a seemingly never-ending, ever-growing cycle of all things uncertain. It seems as though nothing stays stable. When one crisis is almost over and handled, another slams into me.
Now, I don't want to become the pitied, sad sack of Steemit. I know I have but one of 2 choices--either crawl in a hole and wither, or pick myself up, dust off my skinned knees, and move on. And, I know that latter choice will require a great deal of faith in God, in whom I believe. I've tried to do everything on my own strength, only to realize that I have less of it than I'd imagined. And, even less so, without faith.
I've been absent from my life for some time now, certain the events of the past few months were going to crush me. Everything from failing health, to job loss, to...well, other stuff.
I pretty much went into hiding. Hiding from y'all, from my internet radio show, from taking care of myself. Yep, for months, I chose option number one. Guess what? It didn't work
But then, something happened. My best friend in the whole wide world, 
, basically set me straight, and told me a few things that were tough to hear, but necessary to listen to.
And when it came right down to it, it all boiled down to:
- I am lacking faith, and trying to force things to go as I planned
or - I have no plan
Either way, whatever I chose wasn't working. And, I desperately need something to work.
It really takes your breath away, suddenly being in a situation you'd never contemplated would happen..a situation you never planned for. Faith is great, however it is compatible with preparedness. I was not prepared.
All these years, caught in suspended adolescence finally caught up to me. Damn.
But, it is well. Everything will be alright. I just need to keep the faith!
You know, looking at that image reminds me of something that happened just this morning. While reading a daily devotional, the question was put forth, "Are You a Grumbler?" (A grumbler being someone who is always complaining about their circumstances) And though I thought I'd earned the right to be a grumbler, the fact is, I am, indeed, a grumbler. No one really likes a grumbler. They're somewhat depressing, not to mention annoying, to be around. All that negativity is exhausting, and doesn't help the situation, at all. I'd recognized that I lacked gratitude. That's a hard thing to come to terms with. Especially when one is challenged with having gratitude for the situation they are in. Asking someone to be grateful for life, when they are hemorrhaging is a pretty big ask. Yet, it's the very thing we're called to do. Examples:
- Baditude: "There's no income coming into the home."
Gratitude: "I'm sure grateful we were blessed with abundant food that we froze last year, for emergencies." - Baditude: "Your in the early stages of liver failure."
Gratitude: "But you don't have cirrhosis, so you get another chance at life!"
I think I'm doing this right...
I don't really know where I was going with all this.
I guess I just wanted to touch base with all of you. I'm feeling like I am slowly crawling out of my shell, my cave of isolation. It's a little frightening, but options to do much else are deficient and detrimental. (Like, continuing with option one.)
So, it's time for me to get some of that Attitude of Gratitude, and train my brain to always remember to keep the faith. A time to prepare for war, but fight with good cause. I'll update, as things begin to happen.
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(insert custom DisarrangedJane logo thingy here)
~Jane