“Sara’s mother is so strict, when Sara does things with my daughter she gets grounded for it,” I hear one mom say as she tries to manage a relationship with an overly strict parent whose teenager lies to her.
Another mom challenged me in a workshop last week when I encouraged parents to get tougher and to make the hard calls that teens are often not equipped to make for themselves. This mom said “I don’t believe it’s up to me to rescue my kids when they are facing a challenge; I think I should empower them to make the tough calls. Very valid point.
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How do parents maneuver your way through challenging judgment calls? When is being too strict forcing your teen to lie? And when is being too lenient shirking your responsibility? And how will you know if you have the balance right?
Sadly, you probably won’t know. Not unless your crystal ball is working…(and if it is please share your secret with us all.)
Balance should be the goal….nothing to excess. Too much of anything - ice cream, pressure, restrictions, freedom, time alone, time plugged-in - can create problems. While there are times parents need to put your stake in the ground and be firm, it is helpful to seek a place of balance and compromise whenever possible.
You won’t often know if you have the balance right until later. But if you keep your goals in mind, and your family’s best interest at heart you can’t go too wrong.
And most mistakes are correctable.