Throughout my lifetime, weird things seem to happen to me. Being a normally quiet, introverted person who enjoys being alone, and who is quite uncomfortable in social settings, one would think I could lead a very reticent and unpretentious life. But, no, that has not been my fate. I neither seek high adventure, nor do I avoid it. I go with the flow, so to speak. I don’t believe in being unlucky, or lucky. Karma? I don’t know. Whether it be from a coordinated synchronicity, or, from a bumbling serendipitous event, I always seem to be downwind when the crap hits the fan. I don’t understand it, I just experience it. During the last few years, several people have suggested I write a book about my personal experiences. If I decide to do so, I will fully explain all the items on the below list, plus other experiences. How long it will take, I don’t know. 2 or 3 years I suspect, as I have experienced a lot of weird and interesting things.
Everything in the below list has happened to me, and, if I write the book, I will describe them as best I can. The events in the list are not in chronological order, but will be if I decide to write the book.
Some of my life’s experiences have been:
- Accidently driving off a mountain cliff while traveling 85 mph on my snow machine. (that’s what they call a snow mobile in Alaska) No injuries.
- Encountering, and being chased by a mama Grizzly bear with her cub. (She was less than 10 feet away from us) long story, no injuries.
- Being attacked by a mama moose (No injuries to either party).
- Experiencing near death from Typhoid Fever, while in a hospital in the country of Honduras, Central America.
- Surviving a T-bone car crash (both vehicles going in excess of 70 mph). Unconscious for a few minutes, with no other injuries
- Being struck in the head by lightning. Unconscious again.
- Flying upside down on first airplane cross country solo.
- Sleeping outside in -45 F degree weather (actual temperature, not wind chill).
- Being pulled over by helicopter while driving down highway.
- Experiencing wife being held hostage at gunpoint.
- Losing boat and all hunting equipment when boat overturned in a white water river. Lucky to survive.
- Falling off a cliff, landing flat on my back on a rock pile. No injuries.
- Becoming stranded, and lost, in the Alaskan wilderness.
- Being the supervisor of a man at work who was arrested by police while at work. (Turns out he was a serial murderer).
- Working, at another job, with a man who unbeknownst to me, was a serial rapist.
- Contracting pneumonia 4 different times.
- Shooting myself in the foot with a BB gun when I was 4.
- Becoming unconscious in collapsed culvert when I was 6.
- Falling from top of hay mow, with loose hay stacked nearly to the ceiling, going headfirst down the side of the hay stack, through the hole in the mow floor, and landing on my head and shoulder on concrete at ground level. Total distance, about 60 feet. No injuries
- Riding, at age 4, on manure spreader being pulled by a tractor driven by my Uncle. Uncle had a seizure, and drove through 3 barbed wire fences. Barbed wire was flying everywhere. No injuries.
- Suffering the pain of a broken sunflower stalk imbedded about 1 inch into eye socket. No loss of vision.
- Surviving an exploding 22 long rifle cartridge outside of rifle chamber, and about 6 inches in front of my face. Unconscious for a few minutes, no lasting injuries.
- Rear wheel of car ran over my foot. No permanent injuries.
- Suffering deep cuts to my face and into my skull bone while water skiing. One cut about ½ inch above my right eye and the other about ½ inch below the same eye. Any amount higher or lower and my eye would have been lacerated. No lasting injury.
- While repairing an x-ray machine I was severely shocked by a 150,000 volt x-ray transformer. No lasting injuries.
- Being saved from certain electrocution at a military school, when a fellow student saw me convulsing from a continuous electrical shock, and unplugged the electro-surgical equipment I was working on. No permanent injuries.
- Experiencing the explosion of a stainless steel dental sterilizer located 4 feet behind my work bench. Had I been sitting in my work bench chair, I would have been killed. Luckily, I was 60 feet away refilling my coffee cup from the shop coffee pot. No injuries.
- Big Bertha. Unable to summarize in a sentence or 2. (Wait for the book)
- While scuba diving near Okinawa Japan, a giant Manta Ray slowly swam about 2 feet above my head. I estimated it to be about 15 feet wide. Awesome experience
- While sitting on the floor with my back against a steel refrigerator door, the refrigerator compressor suddenly came on and an electrical current went into my spine and out my rear end. Found defective grounding system and shorted compressor. Another electrifying experience, no permanent injuries.
- Falling from the open door of a Marine Corps helicopter two thousand feet above the south china sea. As I was falling through the doorway, Providence allowed me to miraculously grab a loose cargo strap with one hand, and, while dangling in midair air, managed to climb back into the helicopter.
- Scuba diving in the South China sea. Remarkable experience
- While playing left field in a softball game, a ball was hit over my head. In an attempt to catch the ball, I dove head first into the outfield fence. Unconscious for several minutes.
- While traveling in an Air Force helicopter, the helicopter suffered a total failure of the hydraulic control system. Suffered a very hard landing. No injuries.
- Flying on a trip to the end of the Aleutian Island chain and return, the Lear jet I was riding in circled, at low altitude, a live, erupting volcano. Awesome. The Base Commander was piloting and I was the only passenger.
- Several experiences while retrieving a lost boat with canoe in the Alaska wilderness
- A hunting trip on the Yukon River and a Cheechako story
- Shooting a caribou in self defense.
- Hunting pheasants while on horseback. Guess what happened when I fired the first shot?
- Suffering a fractured skull and badly sprained a knee while playing in a softball game.
- Several adventures while fishing in north Florida.
- Fishing with a friend in Georgia whose grandfather shot two game wardens.
- Being drugged by an anesthetist coworker at a work Christmas Party. Had no memory for 24 hours. A few weeks later, the anesthetist killed his wife and her lover.
- Experiencing a credible bomb threat where I worked. I, and my men, were ordered to find the bomb. Funny but scary story
- Stopped, apprehended, harassed and detained by Denver Police because I resembled a recently escaped dangerous convict,
- Funny experience, to me, involving a naked woman running from the front door of a residence, followed by a naked man, followed by a clothed man firing a shotgun
- While I was trying to evict a drug runner from his room at the Denver hotel where I worked, the man suddenly pulled a sawed off shotgun from under his bed..
- Danny and the skunk. Another funny incident involving a friend, a skunk, a recording of a squealing rabbit and a night hawk.
- Mama cat. Why I love cats.
- While driving through a very desolate area of New Mexico, I felt the need to go to the bathroom. Long story. Ending with…..48 hours in jail
- Being hit by car while walking across an intersection. Should have been seriously injured or killed. Providence allowed me to escape unharmed
- Suffering two poisonous spider bites.
- Being hit by shotgun pellets while hunting ducks.
- Being the supervisor of a man whose son murdered a woman for drug money.
- When will it end? On March 5th, of this year, while walking home from the store, I again got hit by a car. After flying ass over teakettle, and landing on the pavement, an ambulance came and transported me to the hospital emergency room. After being examined by the ER doctor for over 4 hours, he could only find a badly sprained foot. He could find no fractures, no bruises, no cuts, and no abrasions. Amazing! So I was sent home with a soft shoe and a pair of crutches. But it doesn't end there. Three days later, feeling poorly, I went to my family doctor and was diagnosed with walking pneumonia! Not only could I not walk, but I was too weak to walk very far if I could. I think there's a joke in here somewhere about how you could catch walking pneumonia when you can't walk. But, I'll leave it alone. As of today, I am much better. Am regaining strength, and walking with discomfort but no pain. However, I am experiencing arthritic aching in my foot, ankle, knee and hip joints.
- And lastly, some of you may find this funny, others, weird, but at the time I found it extremely consternating. At the age of about 8 or 10, I found myself in the unenviable predicament of being stuck, headfirst, down a functioning outdoor toilet’s hole. I was suspended, with bent knees above the wooden seat, and the rest of my body hanging below. With my head roughly 2 feet above the large mass of smelly excrement awaiting below, I had a decision to make. Should I dive in, then, manipulate myself into an upright position, and climb out of my predicament? Or, should I delay the inevitable and hope for a miracle to rescue me? The fully descriptive answer will be found in the book, if I decide to write it. You will never guess the circumstances involved causing my toilet entrapment. Stay tuned………..
So, my question for all who read this post, is this: If I write the book, would you read it?