What to do when your chocolate is demonic

You may, at one stage in your life, suffer a disappointment so crushing, that you are moved to consume a giftshop chocolate sculpture.

Here is what to do, and what to expect.

1. remove chocolate from protective plastic case. I recommend a screwdriver for this.

2. if the sculpture has ears, bite them off.

3. savour the flavour. There’s no deliciousness to be had from most gift shop chocolate in novelty shapes. Think of it rather like chocolate flavoured wax,
   Like you are eating a brown crayon

4. Despair at the life choices that brought you to this juncture

5. Get some milk.

6. Pour the milk into the hollow body of the sculpture, use the body cavity as a cup. Drink.

This works well with Santas and Easter bunnies, bite off the head, drink the milk out of the decapitated carcass.

1. repeat until you feel unwell.

2. get your flaming pitchfork.