Hey All, I'm in a loop. It's a hyper-focus, insomnia, exhaustion, quiet panic loop kind of thing. And I can honestly say, "I'm tired."
I've never been officially diagnosed as ADD. I had a counselor say he was pretty much sure I was. And I had a doctor put me on Zoloft for depression and I discovered an interesting thing. Zoloft can help certain types of ADD. I had a lady I met in a forum send me a private email to tell me, in no uncertain terms, that she was certain I was ADD. (Mainly she saw that I can pick up new skills very very quickly and I have a crazy number of interests.) I found an online test and my doctor at the time said, "If you passed that test, you're ADD. Want meds?"
Zoloft (etc) is really hard on the body. But on meds, things click, I can get stuff done because, well, obviously, it's just time to do them AND AND AND I can remember what I'm trying to accomplish and why. Everything takes 1/2 as long because I'm able to do that little thing, "Think about what you are doing." On the meds, I don't have quite as much trouble with hyper-focus. Also, I can actually put all the info I collect into a specific, condensed order.
If I don't go on the meds, I have to engage in something that evidently ADD types super struggle with. Self-Care.
About here is where a You See, I See #useeisee could be really handy.
You see an image and a post I started making yesterday.
I see me trying to keep pushing several projects 10, 20, 30 minutes at a time, in rotation. Kitchen, plants, laundry, post.
I see that the rotation plan didn't work well because I lost myself in Hyperfocus - in an OCD-looking activity. No. It's not OCD. It just looks like it. OCD is different. Hyper-focus is fun. OCD, not so much. Hyperfocus is me playing with at least 100 settings to see what happens because ... I can ... and it's amusing ... and for myself I say, "it's educational." ... cause uhh ... that's what I tell myself :)
I see time stand still because that's what it's like inside the Hyper-focus. Time stands still AND all the other things stop yelling at me. It's such a relief not to be yelled at by all the things that need care. It's nice to just have this one fascination to focus on.
I see that this is how hyperfocus is part of ADD. Outside of hyperfocus, I'm at risk of being torn apart by the clamoring of all the things that need attention, and the panic of knowing that I personally probably can't do it all, and the stress that comes from the fact that I've already fallen short of giving the needed attention. Meanwhile, hyperfocus can produce brilliant productivity but it reaches a point when hyperfocus equates in too much focus being given to details and leads to failing to give attention appropriately.
So, The ADD part is when I don't stop working on the part that is in hyperfocus mode and I fail to move it to production. So. I had fun playing with the image. I didn't get it posted in time.
I see that hyperfocus is what happens when I sit down and start free-styling a letter to ya'll aka a post and I end up with 5000 words to say what I can say in 500 words.
I see that the laundry got left in the washer overnight.
I see that we only got a few things planted, mostly because of 
I see me again struggling way too long into the early morning hours to go to sleep because ... I'm hungry, I'm cold, I'm itchy ... I'm going to get food, I'm reading Steemit while eating chips and cheese slices in bed (shh don't tell, he slept through it somehow), I'm trying to go to sleep, I'm getting back up, milk, allergy tablet. I sit up awhile longer waiting for it to kick in. This is the third night in the row for this kind of weirdness. And we're not even going to talk about last week where I kept staying awake until 3am because at midnight I finally settled at my desk and hyperfocus happened and I started writing.
Right now it is 9pm my time. I've already taken a melatonin. It will probably mean irrational dreams but it's the first step in breaking the cycle. Actually, No. I really did the first step in breaking the cycle last night. Last night I left the post and the image unfinished and went to bed @ midnight ... 3 hours early! AND I've managed to avoid taking a nap during the day. So that's three steps.
- walk away from the unfinished project (and the addiction of hyperfocus)
- don't nap during the day
- do what it takes to be in bed by 10pm. (now it's 10:40 pm)
The 4th thing I'm doing is going back to being consistent about taking Rhodiola. It's an herb root that helps really much if I can just remember to take it!!!
If you make it this far, and you use the secret handshake word for this post in your comments, you may also leave a link to what you've been writing or what you've been reading :-) The secret handshake word for this post is cedar.
Today, I've managed to read, write, do a little bitty bit of cleaning, and I've managed to wash 2 loads of laundry. 2.5 ... one is in the machine now ... well technically it's 1.5 because 1 was a rewash of yesterday. And I've fed myself. Oh and I kept the cats from starving. Yes. That's what they told me. Yes. I totally believe them.
In my head, the kitchen should be sparkling and my bedroom (at least) should be clean and in order. No.
I should have made phone calls. I know
In order to succeed at this Steemit game, I know exactly what I'll have to do. I will have to create a detailed routine. I will have to write it out in some sort of checklist or mindmap. I will have to start at one end and meticulously move to the other. I will have to have the list and a timer. The timer is to force me to let go of the writing or image making or visiting way too many other blogs. Way, way, too many.
So. Tomorrow I'm running away to the coffee shop. To plan.
And I know this post is kind of not ordered quite right but the melatonin and dinner are kicking in and I just want my bed!
Have fun,
Enjoy