Parenting is a tricky thing. There's no manual for it and what works for some may not work for others as children can be as diverse as (all you smart people insert something here, I can't think of anything smart right now. For everyone else, I think tadpoles are pretty diverse). Parents learn as they go along and sometimes they stumble on things that work and so they refine and adjust those techniques to apply to different situations.
So in my limited experience, I'm here to offer some parenting tips for those who dare to heed my drunken and sleepy suggestions. I think that one of the most important things in parenting, as in most relationships, is: COMMUNICATION. You have to be able to understand what your offspring is trying to tell you as well as communicate to them clearly what you're trying to say to them. Ok, obviously communication is not one of my strong suit.
And secondly; reward and punishment. Good behavior in children must be rewarded so that they will continue and bad behavior must be punished so they will discontinue.
Now, I'm going to give you some examples so that the lesson can really sink in for you.
So the other day, my teenage son came home from school and wanted to go to the mall. As a good parent, I asked what for.
He said he's going to meet friends so I agreed, then as an after thought I asked what they're going to do. (Alright, I admit, any good parent would ask what they're going to do before giving permission).
"I'm going to sell my friend some pot" was his reply as the door closed on his way out.
"Alright, honey. Have fun. Wait, what?!!" I ran out, but due to my short legs, he was already out of sight and I couldn't stop him.
I ran back in and grabbed my phone to call him to come back. When he answered after the second ring, but what felt like 10 times more, I told him that he can't sell pot at the mall or he's going to get in trouble and to come back to the house immediately. He had the audacity to tell me that his friend is paying cash so there's nothing to worry about and then he says, "Love you, mom. See you later" then hung up on me. I mean who does that? Who confesses their plans to commit a crime then say, "I love you"? And what does that say about my parenting? Now, I'm getting pissed.
So, being the good parent that I am, I began to devise in my mind what punishment is befitting for such a crime as selling pot. And I came up with the perfect plan but I needed my partner's help so I called him that there's been an emergency and he must come home immediately. He'll take any excuse to get a break from work so he was home in no time. I explained the situation to him and my master plan for punishment.
We were about to head out the door to find our pot selling son when he called to ask whether he could bring his friend home so we wholeheartedly agreed as this presented the best opportunity to punish him in front of his friends, as any decent person knows, public punishment is much more effective than private. How do I know this? Well, from the history books...all the hangings and public executions, but I digress.
So, we waited in anticipation, prepared to execute our plan as soon as they arrive home. The moment we heard the door open, we began to make as much noise as we could, pounding the wall and jumping on the bed for maximum sound effects.
Well, that should teach him not to sell drugs or do them or other bad stuff. At the very least, it should teach him to choose better friends to bring home.
We were quite satisfied and proud of ourselves when we opened the door and saw his expression.
“Son”, my partner began, “I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson here today.”
Our son was dumbfounded, that’s a good sign. Well, we were dumbfounded 5 minutes later when he was done explaining the kind of transaction that really took place. Apparently, my son and his friend are more interested in cooking and eating than doing drugs.
So, remember friends, communication is important and punish if you must, but make sure the communication is done right.
My son did learn a valuable lesson that day. He doesn’t bring his friends home anymore. He comes home and makes sure we’re decent before inviting his friends over.
