"What?" he protested. "Admit it, you know it's funny."
Jerusalem, August 4 - A local father found the opportunity to make a suggestive pun too enticing to wait until it became relevant to the season, choosing instead Thursday morning to call the special versions of food products that normally contain leavened wheat or related derivatives - and from which observant Jews would otherwise abstain during the springtime Feast of Unleavened Bread - by a term that sounds like a euphemism for losing one's virginity.
"Enjoy your breakfast cereal, kids," admonished the 45-year-old dad as he placed the box on the kitchen table. "Come Passover you'll only have the de-floured stuff." Family sources reported that the man's seventeen-year-old and fourteen-year-old daughters turned multiple shades of scarlet upon hearing the play on words, and his wife buried her face in her hands and she shook it back and forth. Their ten-year-old and seven-year-old sons appeared oblivious to both the humor and the awkwardness in the situation.
"I can't believe you did that, Daddy," whispered the elder of the two girls.
Following a thirty-five-second pause, the younger one stood up from the table without eating. "I hate this family," she stated, as she retreated to her bedroom and slammed the door.
Their mother finished her two-handed facepalm and glared at her husband for a full fifteen seconds.
"What?" he protested. "Admit it, you know it's funny."
"It is NOT funny," she insisted, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.
"I can't BELIEVE you, Daddy!" repeated the seventeen-year-old. "Why are you so embarrassing?"
"It's my job," retorted the man. "Payback for all the times you embarrassed my when you were small."
"Also," he winked, "notice how I'm pretending all the things you've done to embarrass your parents happened when you were small." His daughter's jaw fell open and remained so until she noticed and avoided eye contact for the rest of the meal.
The incident marked the third time this week in which the man succeeded in humiliating his offspring with off-color references or gut-wrenching puns. Sunday afternoon saw him pick up a cut of beef at the supermarket and pretend to subtly hand it to his wife, a movement he then invoked on the trip home by saying he "slipped her the tongue." The next day, while preparing burekas, he apologized for knocking over the sesame jar with, "Oops. I spilled seed." In all three cases, his daughters and wife vowed never to be seen in public with him again.